Sex!Sex!Sex. Every where I go I seem to notice that sex is fast becoming the identity of my generation. It is even becoming either the first name or the surname of many on the social networks. It is about time someone broke the silence. For over a week or so we have been dealing with solving complex love equations. One equation we are yet to address is WHEN SEX OVERTHROWS LOVE. It is my intention to deal with that today.It is important to state clearly that I am not anti great sex provided it is confined to the boundaries of marriage. What I intend to deal with here is the over glorification of the subject to the detriment of authentic love. Sex has become such a distracting issue in my generation that someone has got to let the whole world understand the limitations of sex. It is like getting obsessed with the icing on the cake while neglecting the substance of the cake itself. I want to talk about a few things that sex cannot do in love.


So much is touted today about lovemaking that I wonder. The underlying erroneous concept is that when we have sex, we are making love,and the more sex we have the more love we are creating. Lie!Lie!Lie! If this was true the prostitutes would be the most loved people in our society since they get the most sex. Rather than loving prostitutes you will agree that they are the most used and abused set of people in our society.

The facts must be stated. You can’t create love by having sex. Many who have used this approach in search of true love have fallen flat on their faces,with tales of heartbreak to show for their mistake. In fact I would consider the ability to sacrifice sex in courtship as a vital sign of authentic love particularly in men. Research has proven that men tend to sexually preserve the one they love in courtship, while they tend to sexually exploit the one they don’t. Be wise.


Many have yielded to sex because of the fear of not loosing their partner,only to loose them eventually after having sex with them. This confirms that sex is not necessarily a good adhesive in love. Neither is sex an insurance against abandonment in love. Once a matured lady told me that one of her suitors insisted on having sex with her before establishing a serious relationship with her. I had to tell her that, if he is mean enough to demand sex before commitment,he is most likely to be mean enough to shun commitment after sex.

I have sat in counseling with many wives who have done everything in their power sexually to keep their husbands to no avail. The reason is because it will take more than sex to keep a man. A man can only be kept by his personal character and convictions. Without these two spiritual anchors,all men tend to stray sexually.


We live in a day and time when just about any naughty brat can become an overnight media sensation by taking of their clothes on camera or leaking a sex tape. Before you know what is happening their social networking status goes viral,with millions of views,likes or followers. Many unwise people call such frenzy love. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Every current and upcoming sex idol must understand that the people aren’t following you because they love you,they are using you to gratify their personal lusts and satisfy their personal curiosity. You are not an object of their respect, you are an object of their respice. The life of drug addiction, rejection and sometimes suicide that follows such stars is a testimony to their lifelong frustration and desire for love that fame never gave them.


Will Smith‘s “In Pursuit of Happiness” struck a cord in the hearts of millions because happiness is everyone’s desire in life. However, how we choose to pursue it will determine if we will find it or not. Many couples pursuit of happiness is rooted in their sexual escapades. All their life is lived in pursuit of the next sexual high they can achieve.

The temporary and momentary nature of sex forbids that we build our life long happiness upon it. There are no orgasms that will last more than a few seconds or minutes,after which we will be forced to get back to the reality our life as it is. Sex isn’t likely to alter the state of your existence for long. In fact it is the state of your existence that can affect your sex life. Many young people need to get a life beyond the bedroom. Sex won’t fulfill your dreams for you,neither will it actualize your destiny. It is time to get a life.

Sex is overrated in our day. A generation must arise that will put sex right where it belongs,in its proper place. This generation will prioritize life, destiny, love and self actualization above all sexual pursuits. They will not deny their sexuality as individuals, rather they will acknowledge sex as a tool,one of the many tools that the creator has given us for the expression of love in marriage. They will be patient and extremely discerning of whoever they give themselves to sexually. This generation will not exploit their sexuality as a tool for social cum final gratification rather, they will govern their sexual impulses with responsibility,dignity and nobility. This new breed will be the sexual aristocracy for generations to come.


Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.
BBpin; 270B1423

* Please note that all enquiries about speaking engagements and professional counseling should be sent by email to the above email address. Thanks.

* Also feel free to download our newly launched Love Dynamics app on blackberry app world. Simply click on the following link and download for free.

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One thought on “SEXY… AND SO WHAT?

  1. While we long to see “a generation that will put sex where it belongs (setting their priority aright),” we tap from the grace that will be at work in “that generation” to begin to practise what we long to see. Jesus said,”Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day:and he saw it,and was glad.” John 8:56. Blessing sir!

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