IS TRUE LOVE REALLY HARD TO FIND? (3)

So is true love proving hard to get? or are we the ones not getting it right? We have substantiated that wrong places,wrong faces,wrong phases as well as wrong phrases can be tangible hindrances to the successful apprehension of true love. Today we want to press forward practically on how to be fruitful in our search for true love. One thing is certain love is not lost,most of us are just the ones missing it somehow.The fifth reason why love proves hard to find for many is because they tend to look for it with all the WRONG GRACES. It is not enough to desire someone or something good in love,our personal goodness also has a vital role to play if the love will last. Unfortunately many people’s individual goodness doesn’t correspond with the goodness being desired in their love lives.

By wrong graces,I am referring to the negative habits,attitudes and behaviors that undermine our successful attainment of a loving relationship. These wrong graces could range from anger,malice, suspicions, bitterness, hatred, envy and all of these are just to mention but a few. The challenge of being a person loaded with all of these vices is that they are contrary to the nature of true love. The resulting tensions that ensues from possessing these negative natures that contradicts the positive nature of love is enough to destroy any relationship.

There must of a necessity be an alignment between our inherent nature and the nature of love for our love lives to work. Whoever doesn’t work hard at developing the right attitudes,habits and behaviors before finding love,will most likely loose it after a short period of time. We must as such take our focus off our desire for love and focus on our qualifications for love. This will mean aggressively replacing our negative attitudes with positive virtues such as joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, self control, all to mention but a few. Without these virtues you might be loved initially but you are not likely to be loved eventually. So every potential lover must get to work.

The sixth reason why true love proves elusive to many is because they tend to seek for love with all the WRONG SPACES. There is such a thing as getting too close,too fast. Many young lovers meet a suitor today and end up having sex on the first date. The same people end up complaining that their heart got broken. How funny. Their crime was that they got too close,too fast. Most of those who are as addicted to fast relationships and microwave love as they are to fast foods will never be free from disappointments.

There is a closeness that blinds and robs one of objectivity. In my seminars and counseling I often illustrate this point by asking the participants to bring their palms to the point where, it is as close to their face as possible,in fact until the palm is touching their face. I then ask them how well do they see the distinctive features of their palm? To which they unanimously answer that they can see nothing. I then ask them to gradually move their palms away from their face and they realize that they can see the lines of their palms more clearly. I then let them know that “Just as there is a closeness that blinds,there is a distance that illuminates. Maturity is the ability to distinguish between the two.

Every potential lover must refuse to be chocked by their prospective lover. They must assert their right to a reasonable degree of space so as to be able to objectively evaluate the relationship. Beyond the fact that excessive closeness can trigger off over familiarity, It can also engender unnecessary conflicts that can bring the relationship to an untimely end. In my first book, How to be romantic, I remember saying that “a romantic relationship is not one in which the partner is around all the time,it is one in which the partner is around when he or she is need”. Those words remain as true today as they were when I first wrote them several years ago.

If we are to find true love we must assert our right to adequate space. Space for what? Space enough to be sure of our selves and what we feel,space enough to know who we are dealing with,space enough to confirm all we have been told,space enough to deal with our past,space enough to think our decisions over, and most of all space enough to be sure we are committing for the long haul.

We must also avoid rash decisions and commitment that prove to be wrong in the fullness of time. We must realize that quality love takes time. We must most of all, learn to commit our minds to love first to justify,our spirits to love second to certify and our bodies to love last(in marriage) to glorify. To invert this order will be to risk being used and abused by lusty opportunists who don’t give a damn about our ultimate welfare in life and destiny. BE DISCERNING!!!

THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!

Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter.
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