How Dare you Call this Love?

It is time for us to hit the nail on the head. Over the week I want to openly deal with the subject of “RELATIONSHIPS WORTH BREAKING”. Last week I established the fact that not every relationship is worth saving. Some are worth fighting for while others are best left to drown for the sake of your ultimate happiness and fulfilment. The first kind of relationship worth breaking is COERCIVE RELATIONSHIPS. A coercive relationship is one that is not based upon the mutual love of both individuals but on the one-sided love of a partner. Such relationships are not mutually composed, they are externally imposed.

The best way I can describe it is that it is a love without options or a love by force scenario. Such love models are not internally impelled, they are externally compelled. Can I ask you a question? If you were given a choice or an option would you still be with the person you are with? If your answer is a resounding no, then my next question is what are you doing there?

Coercive relationships are based upon F-O-R-C-E not feelings. There are a number of factors that can force us to stay in such relationships.

  • PREGNANCY FACTOR:  There are many marriages that were consolidated because the lady got pregnant for the man, not necessarily because the man loved the woman. This is a dangerous scenario because they’ve created a permanent condition out of a temporary situation. Most times the man, out of a sense of being entrapped takes out his anger on the mother and child, because he resents them for being the source of his woes.
  • PARENTAL PRESSURE AND OBLIGATION: This is very rampant in my society. Some parents force their children to marry because of family ties. The consequences are often disastrous. Always remember not to give the ultimate say about your relationship to someone who won’t live with you in that relationship.
  • CULTURAL FACTOR: The historical example of Jacob and Leah best typifies this kind of relationship. Jacob loved Rachel, but was deceived and coerced into marrying Leah because of a cultural norm of not giving out the younger daughter in marriage before the elder sister. Leah lived and died in search of love all the days of her life. Don’t be fooled; your natural birth order should not determine your natural marital order. If the last born is ready for marriage and the firstborn is not, the last born should be free to go ahead.
  • PUBLIC OPINION: What will people say? There are so many people staying in dead relationships just because they want to please everybody. The fact is that people will always say what they want to say no matter what you do. Nobody can be in charge of public opinion. The second thing you must know is the so-called”people” won’t share the realities of a bad relationship with you. So decide for yourself.
  • PROPHETIC SELECTION: In my part of the world people are fond of taking the names of potential suitors to commercial seers to determine who to be with. Having unravelled the prophetic choice, they then adjust their hearts to the outcome of this prophetic lottery. This is terrible because these practices rid you of the power of choice. Though God loves us, He doesn’t take the power of choice from us. He sets before us life and death and inspires us to choose life but he won’t make that choice for us. To give our power of choice to prophets is to give to them a place in our lives that even God refuses to take.

There are also times that we allow the sheer love displayed by a person compel us to stay with them even if in reality we feel nothing for them. One fact we must face is that love can’t be forced or created, it can only be discovered and nurtured. Time won’t permit me to deal with the force of diabolical enchantments and their applications in love. Be that as it may, there is no enchantment that will last forever. Once its influence wears out, lifelong turmoil begins for the users of such extreme mediums.

The facts must be stated in the conclusion. Acceptance in love must be based upon mutual willingness. To quote a first-century writer, “for if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have. Never let your mouth say yes to a person whose heart is saying no to you. Never take any sign of reluctance in a love prospect lightly. If the decision for love isn’t coming from their heart of heart they will eventually disappoint you, no matter the coercive factors you put to work.

If God did not impose his love on us, we should not impose our love on others. Take a cue from the Jewish patriarch when looking for a wife for his heir-apparent. He was asked by his manager what if the woman won’t be willing to follow him. Abraham answered him by saying, If the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be released from this oath. In other words, don’t force the hand of love let it happen naturally.

Coercive relationships are not worth holding on to. If you sense deep-rooted reluctance in yourself or your partner, and you have tried to overcome it unsuccessfully, it is time to let go. Perhaps it isn’t meant to be. No one in life should have to go through the horror of living with a reluctant lover, let it go. Great relationships are not built on individual reluctance, they are built on mutual acceptance. Explosive love reactions are only possible when willingness intermingles with willingness. I love you and see you tomorrow.


7 thoughts on “How Dare you Call this Love?

  1. This is great. A lot of relationships are really not worth saving. that leaves me with the question, Where goes love considering almost every relationship is experiencing the “break up” threat.
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