First aid love? This is a kind of relationship that is based entirely on the idea of rescue. Often when our relationships don’t work, we are quick to hop into any other relationship that will offer us temporary and immediate relief without processing the events of our previous relationship thoroughly. Such relationships end up poorly, owing to the fact that they weren’t started intentionally.There are certain symptoms that what you have is first aid love. The first is that first aid love is often based upon PITY. There are certain relationships gotten into, not because of established desire for one another, but out of sympathy. Every lady knows the value of being a damsel in distress and most men know the value of being a dude in distress. Such actions awaken the maternalistic and paternalistic tendencies embedded in all of us. The challenge however is that parental love isn’t exactly the same thing as conjugal love. What happens is that the entire relationship often falls apart,once the kind of love they truly desire shows up on the scene.

  • DEPENDENCY: Just as there is a help in love that edifies, there is a help that cripples initiative and fosters redundancy. Dependent relationships are not based on mutual value, rather these relationships are based upon one sided value. The more valuable partner who plays the role of savior and messiah in the life of their partner often gains the upper hand,while the other partner has to almost beg for the relationship to keep it going. Contrast this with an interdependent relationship in which both partners bring mutual value to the table,both partners consider it an awesome privilege to be in each other’s lives. They are with each other not because one of them has to, but because both of them want to. Every lover must be sure of the individual value that your love represents. Instead of manipulating someone to stay with you because of the greatness of your emotional needs,exist to meet tangible needs in your lover’s life. It is the only way to be secured in love.

  • REGRETS: Strange as this may sound,there are certain lovers who bring nothing into their future relationships other than their past regrets and frustrations. The bitterness of their past is often carried over into their new relationship. Everyone knows what happens when you don’t quickly separate the bile of a slaughtered animal from the body,it soon explodes and embitters the entire meat to the point where no one can eat of it. Every hurt lover must understand that the bitterness of past relationships can corrupt the prospect of future relationships, if you don’t quickly let go of it. Yes your pain will attract care,but you can’t build a future relationship on the sole purpose of nursing your past pains.
  • COMPLAINTS: Watch out for the person who is busy complaining about their partner to you,most of them often have a hidden agenda of nurturing a first aid relationship with you. For instance as a young lady,the moment you see a married man who is in the habit of complaining and painting his wife in a negative light to you,RUN. He is already desiring to replace her with you,but he knows it would be impossible for him to do so without convincing you of her worthlessness. Don’t fall for it. His complaints are likely to be exaggerated,fueled by his newly found desire for you. There is a huge gap between complaining,criticism and change. The fact that you can criticize a thing doesn’t mean you have the authority and skills it takes to change it. Don’t be pressured into starting a relationship over complaints.

All of the above point to the fact that, you shouldn’t let these factors get you into a first aid love position. It seldom works. If however you are the one who is heartbroken here are a few things you need more than your next relationship.

  1. The heartbroken needs PERSPECTIVE more than their next relationship. Why did the relationship fail? How did you contribute to it? What will you do differently,if you had the chance to do it over again? What won’t you do? What are the lessons learned? What are your future resolves?

  2. The heartbroken needs “TIME OUT” for healing and restoration more than their next relationship. This healing process is best experienced within the context of platonic friendships and not another intimate relationship. Every sports man knows the value of benching a wounded player. A wounded player can soon become a permanently damaged player,if they insist on playing. Likewise a wounded lover can become a permanently damaged lover,should they insist on loving too soon. Take your time to heal.
  3. The heartbroken needs SPIRITUAL REJUVENATION more than their next relationship. We often encourage hurt lovers to move on,however it isn’t easy to “move on” without “moving up” spiritually. Nothing drains our spiritual fuel like a heartbreak. In fact some heartbreaks happened because we have been out of touch with our maker,who happens to be our first love. Recovering our first love first,should be a priority over getting into any other relationship. One ancient writer said of our creator”He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”.
  4. The heartbroken needs the discipline of focused WORK more than their next relationship. Nothing offers mastery over our emotions like the embers of a disciplined work ethic. I am fully persuaded that work was given to us for the purpose of escaping negative feelings. Everyone hurt should apply the balm of grueling work to their broken heart and they won’t regret it.
  5. The heartbroken needs the curtain of FORGIVENESS, more than their next relationship. I call it a curtain because until you have genuinely forgiven the negative players in your past,you aren’t through with them. And if you carry them into your future they are bound to corrode it. Take solace in the fact that if they don’t change,they are bound to answer to the court of pain in life,sometime in future. But it doesn’t have to be at your hands. Drawing the curtain on your past pains through forgiveness also simultaneously creates a backdrop for your future. Let it go.
  6. Finally the heartbroken needs their life of FUN back, more than their next relationship. Recreation is exactly that, re-creation. Get your groove back. Take advantage of the newly found freedom responsibly. Get out of your cocoon,take a vacation,go sporting,have fun,who knows,you just might meet your lifetime heart maker on one of these trips.

Refuse to be a love junkie or a relationship addict. Refuse to be a first aid lover either. Be intentional and not circumstantial about any relationship you start. Realize that how many relationships you have had is no testimony,it is the one you’re able to make work that counts. I believe in you.


Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global
Enthronement Assembly Lagos
@lovedynamix on Twitter
BBpin; 270B1423

* Please note that all enquiries about speaking engagements and professional counseling should be sent by email to the above email address. Thanks.

* Also feel free to download our newly launched Love Dynamics app on blackberry app world. Simply click on the following link and download for free.

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3 thoughts on “FIRST AID LOVERS

  1. A generation that has this kind of information at its disposal is not expected to miss it relationship-wise! God help us!

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