I must confess we all love great weddings; the costumes, the flowers, the meals, the vows, the lights, the decorations, the music, the promise. All of these make getting married one of the most desirable ventures known to man. Almost everyone you meet has an ideal dream of what their wedding day should look like, feel like and be like. The question I have tried to answer over the years is, Does it take a great wedding to have a great marriage? Which should be our priority?As I attend weddings the world over, my concern is with how it will all end. Some of the most glamorous weddings have ended up evolving into some of the most sorrowful marriages. The fact that a wedding is successful doesn’t guarantee the success of the marriage. A grand wedding is okay if you can afford it, but your priority should be life after the wedding, the actual marriage. Here are a few practical tips for those contemplating the marital enterprise.
SPEND MORE ON YOUR MARRIAGE THAN ON YOUR WEDDING. I have seen people invest millions into the glamour of the wedding day, to impress people without reserving a dime for the quality of life after the marriage. They spend more on wedding decorations than on household furniture. They lavish more on their wedding reception than on household groceries. They spend more on impressing the crowds than on impacting their spouse. This ought not be so. Your priority shouldn’t be your wedding day, it should be your life after the wedding day. It is wisdom to save from your wedding to invest in your marriage. Be realistic.
- PREPARE MORE FOR THE MARRIAGE THAN FOR THE WEDDING. Realize that as the wedding approaches, all the demands placed upon you by the people around will be related to the wedding. They will tell you what costumes to wear, but won’t tell you the right books to cloth your mind with in preparation for your spouse. They will tell you about color combination, but they won’t tell you about spouse administration. They will harangue you about good wedding organization, they won’t tell you about good marital harmonization. Because everyone will be thinking about the wedding, for your own good, be thinking and preparing for your marriage. Your focus and entire preparation should go beyond the day, to the life after.
- FOCUS ON IMPRESSING YOUR SPOUSE ABOVE IMPRESSING THE CROWD. Don’t be deluded that the crowd that shows up on your wedding day are there for you. You won’t see or hear from about 95% of them ever again. They aren’t there for you, they might be there because of allegiance to your parents or their attachment to wedding meals (always wondered why the reception is always more crowded than the wedding ceremony). Your guess is as good as mine. This is the more reason why you should put your spouse’s interest ahead of the crowd’s interest.
REFUSE TO SUCCUMB TO THE PRESSURE OF THE WEDDING, DO ALL THINGS FOR THE PLEASURE OF YOUR MARRIAGE. If you allow it, the pressure of the wedding can lay a foundation of tension and strife for your marriage. Only do the things that you alone can do, delegate everything to willing, capable and responsible hands. You won’t be the first to wed and you definitely won’t be the last. Enter your rest.
This is the summary of the matter. Pay more attention to your marriage than your wedding. While the later is meant to be for a few days, the former is meant to be for a lifetime. Do have a remarkable weekend.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE