Once Upon a Love (2)

We have established in Part 1 that love may not necessarily last forever. In the course of your lifetime, you may be saddled with the responsibility of reviving, re-kindling and reawakening love. This is our step by step process for that lofty objective to be accomplished. We have said that the key to recovery in love is remembrance. When you remember the good times you have had with your lover, you reawaken the feelings that accompanied those good times. The next step is…


The first key of remembrance is a psychological one, while the second key is a physical one. The fact of love is that love is an action, that is sustained by actions and it can only be revived by actions. Remembering the glorious days of love fine-tunes you to receive love again, but it does nothing for your partner. It is deliberately practising the works or actions that created your original love, that impacts your partner.

This concept that love is a verb – a doing word is something we must not underestimate. Earlier on I postulated that love is more than a feeling, it is a skill. Those skills are a sum total of all the actions used by a person to express their love for another. Those actions must be practised over and over for them to become a skill. Love dies when those skills are neglected and love is reawakened when the skills are reapplied.

What actually makes love last is the discipline to keep doing the lovely things to each other, that we used to do at the beginning of our love journey. This is perhaps the most difficult thing to do as a lover, yet if it isn’t done, the chances of recovering your original love for each other is zero. Love is not a mystery, it is impossible to revive if we refuse to treat each other the way we once did affectionately.

The other mistake we make is that we often want to wait for our partner’s reactions to change before our actions change towards them. But the reality is that until our actions towards them change, their reaction towards us won’t change. Actions must come before reactions and not the other way around. Someone has got to take responsibility for the right love actions and that might as well be you.

Hopefully, by repeating your first works, you will recover your first love. However doing so takes faith, discipline and tenacity of purpose. This is because it might take quite some time for your partner to come around depending on how deeply they have been hurt. One thing you must not have is unrealistic expectations that what has been damaged emotionally over months and years can be perfectly restored overnight. You are going to have to keep at it for as long as it takes before the tide turns.

You also must know when to give up. Seeds sown on rocky grounds won’t yield a harvest. So after extensive seasons of emotionally investing in your lover to no avail, you must know when to move on and seek for external love opportunities. The key to knowing what is to be done is the response. The response, a positive response is the sign of life and the ray of hope. Where a positive response is absent in spite of your months or years of loving, it is safe to assume that their love for you is dead. Should this be the case, face the facts and move on with your life.

Do let me know how things turn out for you. I am convinced that these principles will work for your love life.


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