Must Love Be Crazy?

The words “I AM CRAZY ABOUT YOU” seem to be one of the most effective compliments that a person can offer their lover. But must love be crazy? I believe somewhere in our human consciousness we entertain the idea that a love that just doesn’t make sense is more impressive than a love that does. I have had ladies tell me that they turned down the love proposal of a guy because they felt they were already too close. This betrays a notion in all of us that love has got to be spectacular and outrageous for us to go along. Today I want to question this hidden notion in all of us.


About a decade ago I remembered ignoring my best female friend in search of a beautiful wife to marry. Being a Christian, one of the mandatory practices recommended was to pray and to get a sense of divine leading in my search. To be frank, my best female friend, who is now my wife was included in a list of seven female prospects as an afterthought. As I prayed, it seemed I had a divine nudging in the direction of my best female friend, but I protested because I felt love has got to be spectacular and not familiar. To my protest I seemed to hear a question welling up in my soul; Who has been playing the role all along? The answer to that question was, my best friend. She had been a source of encouragement, counsel, inspiration and I am ashamed to say consistent nourishment for over seven years at the time. My breakthrough came once I decided to stop being idealistic about love and settled for my best female friend. Almost a decade later I have not even the slightest regrets for marrying her. I am convinced that many miss the greatest opportunities for love in their lives because they are hunting for the spectacular. If you claim to be in love with someone for no reason, you’re most likely bewitched.


I don’t think we should enter any love engagement because we have to, we should do so because we have decided to. Many undermine the role of intentional decisions in love and the consequences are often catastrophic. The commitments we make that lasts are most likely born out of our personal decision. This is why nobody can successfully make the choice of your lover for you. One biblical legislator told the ladies in his realm “to marry whoever they think best”. Pity has no merit in love decisions. What I have noticed is that, if a person doesn’t want you from the depth of their heart, if you are not their predominant choice, no matter the gimmicks used to glue you and them together, it won’t work in the end. Love must be intentional, a product of our personal decision for it to work.


Someone said love is a verb, a doing word. I have found that it is by far easier to talk the talk regarding love than to walk the walk. Some of the most romantically sounding individuals I have met have turned out to be some of the laziest lovers I have ever known. Anyone can write love letters, construct love poems, wax lyrical in conversation but all of that will mean nothing if the love is not practically and consistently demonstrated. This hands-on, need-based approach to love is what makes love last. Your words may be forgotten in a moment but the impact of your actions are bound to reverberate through time and eternity. So don’t just say love, do it, act it and live it.

What we have been saying, in essence, is that real love makes sense. It has reasons. It has responsibilities. Away with that immature search for the spectacular in love. Love is a daily discipline. The smartest lovers know that it is counterproductive to ignore those who have exhibited this daily discipline of love toward us, in pursuit of some crazy and mystical love illusion. Real love doesn’t have to be crazy for it to be credible.


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