Having dealt with the negative aspects of love over the last few weeks. Today we want to begin to share on the more positive aspects of the virtue. Over the next week or so I want to begin to share on “THE HIDDEN INGREDIENTS OF A PERFECT LOVE ENVIRONMENT”. I am absolutely convinced that your life and love is about to be changed forever.It is very true that there are no perfect relationships. Every relationship is a work in progress. However, learning how to create a perfect love environment will go a long way to move your love life in the direction of perfection.

The environment you create for a thing will determine the sustainability of that thing. A lot of people know how to fall in love but few know how to create an enabling environment for love to thrive. Your love may be as hot as fire but if your environment is as cold as water, you know what water does to fire. This is why equal amounts of energy must be invested into finding the right partner and creating an environment in which the found love can thrive and survive.

Whenever love fails, it is either we made a wrong choice of a partner or we created a wrong environment for the partner we found. In some extreme cases, both the partner and the love environment could be wrong leading to catastrophic consequences.

Taking our cue from the first relationship that ever was, Eden was the ideal environment for the first couple that ever lived. The name Eden comes from an Ugaritic root meaning “PLEASURE” or “DELIGHT” or in modern day terms “FUN”. This pleasure is the first ingredient of a perfect love environment.

At the risk of sounding like a post modern hedonist, which I am not, I must echo the wisdom of the creator in planting the first couple in pleasure as their ideal environment. This must mean having fun in love is not a crime. Of course I want to assume that you are matured enough to understand that fun is not synonymous to sex. Though there is a place for great sex within the context of a legitimate marriage.

The first thing I want to address is the tendency of some super spiritual individuals to feel guilty for having fun and enjoying their lives. Most of them feel they must be doing something wrong for them to be enjoying life. That is erroneous, since the Creator has endowed us richly with all things to enjoy. A hesitation to enjoy life soon often translates into a hesitation to enjoy love, as is observed in many uptight spiritual stereotypes. I am also taking for granted that you are matured enough to understand that enjoying life isn’t indulging in riotous, irresponsible behaviors like drunkenness, drugs and all the self destructive social vices so popular in our day. We must realize that engaging in all such vices, is not you “enjoying” life, it is life “injuring” you. Life was not meant to be enjoyed in a way that costs our lives, it was meant to be enjoyed in ways that add value to us and our fellow man.

There is also the intense debate as to whether, the creator can force us to marry or be intimately involved with people we obviously do not enjoy or take pleasure in because of the “will of God” syndrome. My answer is a resounding NO. How can a God who delights in his people mandate them to become married or intimately acquainted with people they don’t delight in. That would have been the zenith of injustice. I am glad this is not so. The way I see it, every lover has the right to choose someone they really enjoy and delight in from scratch. You really have to choose your best because life’s challenges will take its toll on your choice no matter what, and if you never really delighted in them in the first place, you will be disgusted by them when life’s challenges are through with them.

The third issue worthy of note is that you must let commitment and responsibility be the boundaries of your pursuit of pleasure. Those who violate the borders of commitment and responsibility often loose themselves in the process. Crossing those boundaries often leads to eternal pain.

We must not pursue pleasure at the expense of our personal well being. As good as fun and pleasure is, it is like fire. Fire in a contained environment can be a constructive blessing. It could be used to cook, refine and provide warmth for man. However fire in an unconfined environment can destroy lives, homes and entire communities. For example, wholesale and retail sex can be one of the most destructive societal forces known to man. This is why I insist that marriage is the safest context for sexual expression.

That said, for us to create the perfect love environment, we must consistently work hard at having an enjoyable personality. We must work hard at modifying our attitudes, behaviors and personalities to provide a total fun experience for the people who relate to us. We must seek for ways to exterminate boredom in our lives and the lives of those we relate to. Most of all we must remove any guilt within our consciences for living the good, happy and fun filled life. Rather we must see pleasure as a non negotiable constituent of a healthy love environment. Only then will our relationship stand a greater chance of working out.

Do have a remarkable weekend.


Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly, Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter

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