How To Feed Your Feelings

The feeling you don’t feed, you will not eventually feel. Many people believe that what they feel for another will either automatically grow, or be self-sustaining. That is so untrue. Positive feelings for another have to be deliberately nurtured and coaxed unto fruition, provided that the feelings are legitimate and ethical. Many have ended relationships only because of the loss of their original feelings for the person. This ought not to be so. The absence of such feelings simply calls for a deliberate renewal of such feelings. This could be your feelings for the creator, your husband, your wife or even your fiance and fiancee. If you don’t feed your feelings they will die.


My lovely wife and I had to deal with this challenge about half a decade ago. I personally had gotten to the point where my feelings for my wife had become static. Amidst the hustle and bustle of leading a fast-growing life development organization, I had come to the point where though I knew deep down I loved the woman I married, I wasn’t quite sure I was in love with her anymore. In my own words, my love for her then had become potential and not kinetic. This is a dangerous place to be in as a partner.


Usually, it is at this point that most couples develop a substitute partner by cheating on their spouse. The reason why they do so is that they aren’t friends enough to discuss difficult issues with their lover. This inability to communicate hard issues respectfully is a major reason why most relationships fail. In our case, we chose to discuss the difficult state of our feelings with each other. I must tell you, that saved us from a catastrophe. This is perhaps why it is important to marry your best friend. There might be some things you can’t share with your spouse, but there is nothing you won’t share with your friend. No matter how difficult.


Another typical thing for a woman to do, if told by the love of her life, that he is struggling with his feelings for her, is to go into fits, tantrums, obscenities and rage. My wise companion didn’t do that. She just sat there calm and collected, processing the gravity of my disclosures and contemplating the solutions with me. For that, I am eternally grateful. You see overreaction destroys relationships. If you don’t learn how to manage your reactions, your relationship won’t succeed. The reaction level of a relationship will determine the revelation level of that relationship. So if you are an over-reactive lover, just know that your partner is bound to hide a lot of things from you.


I am grateful to God that I have always had mentors over my life, career and relationships that I am accountable. It is dangerous for you to have the final authority in your life. It is equally dangerous for you not to have a more objective and experienced person who would have oversight regarding your relationship. My wife and I decided to take a trip to one of our mentors for his advice. What we learned changed our lives and saved our marriage. Most of all, what we learned, inspired us to feed our feelings for each other for the rest of our lives. If you want to know the details, make it a date with me tomorrow.


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