HOW TO DEAL WITH COMPETITION IN LOVE (2)

If it is true that you can’t possibly be the only one interested in your partner and it is. How do you handle the people out there who might be most delighted to have the one you have? The first thing you must do is understand the various types of love competitors that exist. Each of them represent various stages in the evolution of the competitive love process. Each of the various type of competitors in love demand a different response from you.

MEMORABLE COMPETITOR

This is when you are actually competing with the memory of someone credible in the past of your partner. This memorable competitor is actually in the mind of your partner. This could be a father, a mother or the ex of your partner. The difficulty of dealing with memorable love competitors lie in the fact that you aren’t fighting a person, you are fighting a memory, most likely a pleasant one. The principal symptom that you are dealing with such competitors is that you will have to deal with unfavorable comparison on the part of your partner.

To deal with memorable competitors, you must be careful not to attack your partner’s memory of them. This will most likely be counter productive since such people hold a treasured place in your partner’s heart. If you attack them you are most likely to get an unfavorable reaction from your lover. What you need to do is to respect your partner’s memory of that individual. Secondly, you must understudy who that person was and the unique role that the person played in your partner’s life. You must then appreciate and celebrate that role by trying to inculcate the positive attributes of that person into your own life.

You must however gently and lovingly assert your difference, uniqueness and individuality apart from that memorable competitor. Every lover must understand that comparison in love is always counter productive. One first century theologian and entrepreneurial leader got it right when he said “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves; but they measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise”. All forms of comparison in relationship should be stopped because most times when we do so,we are often comparing the past person’s strengths with the present person’s weaknesses. This is unfair. Each individual must be appreciated for their individuality and uniqueness only then will the relationship stand the chance of working out.

UNCONSCIOUS COMPETITOR

This is someone who doesn’t even know that they are competing for your partner’s attention at all. There are many genuinely innocent people who might end up capturing the attention of the one you love. Sometimes this happens without any deliberate attempt on their part.

The wrongest way you can handle this is by confronting the unconscious competitor. This is because confronting them could bring your partner’s attraction for them to their attention for the first time and things can get complicated from that point on. The right way to handle it is first to know your partner, their likes, what turns them on, as well as what attracts them to the opposite sex. Such frank discussions should be commonplace in every matured relationship. You should then be secure in yourself because confronting an unconscious love competitor is a manifestation of insecurity. You must work on your self esteem and work on the trust you have for your partner, provided your lover hasn’t given you any reason to doubt them. You also must maintain a modest amount of vigilance of the state of things between your partner and that person without accusations of any sort.

INTERESTED COMPETITOR

Every lover must develop the strategic ability to discern when a person is interested in your lover. It is true that you cannot actually stop people from taking interest in your partner because man is a free moral agent. However you must intentionally monitor such interests to prevent it from getting out of hand.

To deal with interested love competitors the first thing is to lovingly bring such interests to your partner’s attention. The truth is that your partner might be oblivious to the existence of such interests. The second thing to do is to encourage your partner to watch themselves around such individuals and not let their guards down. The third thing is to begin to take bold steps to assert your position and ownership of your partner in the presence of the interested partner to discourage the evolution of such intrusive feelings in their heart. It is also important not to vilify your partner because of another person’s interest in them. Nobody can stop another human being from taking interest them genuinely. However, you should only be worried if your partner is fueling or encouraging such interests. Vigilance not suspicion is also key in handling this challenge so as not to be taken off guard.

As a married man, I have determined never to take my wife’s jealousy for granted. Though because of the magnitude of her security as a lady, we have almost never had to deal with her getting jealous in our marriage. But occasionally I ask her to just mention anyone in my environment that she isn’t comfortable with. I often tell her she doesn’t even have to explain the reasons for her discomfort, that I will simply get rid of the person. Though she is yet to mention anyone, I often joke when training husbands that “their wife’s jealousy was put there by Jehovah to protect them from Jezebel. Personally, don’t be overconfident. Endeavor to receive input from your partner on who you can permit in your environment. They might be a better judge of people that have an emotional interest in you.

Oh I have exceeded my word count for the day, I will continue on this crucial subject tomorrow, as I share the other crucial types of love competitors you may encounter in life and how to deal with them. I believe in you.

THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!

Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter.
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