Does your definition of love leave room for competition? If not, you had better think again. Competition is the next ingredient of a perfect love environment. The inability to handle competition in love has led to the failure of many relationships.The ability to accept the fact that you cannot be the only person in your partner’s life is the key attribute of a matured partner. Many insecure lovers isolate their partners from any form of external interaction with anyone else but themselves, all because they don’t want to lose their partners. This is wrong. From experience I have learned that whenever you hold on to a thing too tightly, you will most likely lose it.
This is because a relationship can begin to feel like a prison, if one partner is holding on too tightly. There are relationships where the partners aren’t free to take calls, join social networks, receive visitors or even hold a job in other not to incite the wrath of a jealous partner. Any such love that denies you of fundamental human freedom is dysfunctional. Such extreme forms of restriction is a vital sign of lack of trust. Such insecure partners must understand that the human spirit will stop at nothing to find freedom. In the real sense of the word, no externally imposed regulation or law can stop a person from doing what they have determined to do. So, relax. I am not suggesting you hold your partner loosely, hold them tight in love but not too tightly.
Being someone who has been married for several years, I have had to humbly come to terms with the fact that I cannot be the solution to everyone of my partner’s needs. The various needs she has requires different levels of interaction with different people, some of them opposite sex. For instance, as a PhD student, she requires intense academic interaction with her academic colleagues. As a woman and mother, she needs transparent examinations from doctors, some of them male. Anyone who is unwilling to release their lover in trust to such opposite sex interactions will deny their partner of much needed growth and development.
The other issue is that if you build your partner’s world around you alone, not letting them have responsible friends, boredom can easily set in. One soon begins to feel drained of life itself because no single human being is capable of meeting all the needs of another human being. At times one will have to lean on our creator, as well as other responsible friends. Once a relationship runs out of emotional steam, conflicts naturally begin to emerge and the relationship most likely will grind to a halt. There are certain positive benefits that healthy love competition affords us and I want us to run through a few of them.
COMPETITION CONFIRMS VALUE IN LOVE: If your partner is truly valuable, there will be competition for them because you are not likely to be the only one who perceives that value. Others who perceive the value are likely to want a piece of it naturally. The value may lie in your partner’s beauty or handsomeness. It could lie in their wealth or their intelligence. It could even lie in their fame or spirituality. Whatever the value may be, it is important that you personally acknowledge it and realize that you aren’t likely to be the only one after it. The more valuable your partner is,the more intense the competition will be. This shouldn’t be a problem for you,provided your partner’s primary loyalty lies with you and they have enough integrity to maintain their commitment to you.
- COMPETITION CONFIRMS YOUR PARTNER‘S RESOLVE FOR YOU: I have often wondered why the creator left the serpent in Eden,knowing fully well he will seek to steal the heart of the newly married couple. I believe the serpent was left there to test man’s loyalty to the creator. Without options to choose from,your partner’s choice of you is trivial. The true value of a YES in love, lies in how many NOs were served before they got to yes. So those competing for your partner are a vital test of the quality of your partner’s resolve for you. If your partner falls for anything they found on the roadside,it means what they had for you wasn’t solid. This is why such losses are not losses. They are simply a revelation of the lack of quality in the lover who got distracted.
- COMPETITION KEEPS US ON OUR TOES: Without competition we would most likely be lethargic in love,taking our partners for granted as we try to get by with minimum input and commitment. The awareness of competition makes us go the extra mile by putting our best into the love enterprise. This is because no one likes to lose. Competition is a vibrant motivator in love. The ensuing commitment makes us attain the full potential of our love lives.
COMPETITION CAN BE A PLATFORM OF EDUCATION FOR US IN LOVE: This is because when we put away the anger and resentment that comes from knowing that someone is bidding for what we have,and begin to observe the love competitor objectively,we might begin to discover that there are certain things we need to change about how we are relating to our partners. We also could begin to discover hidden tendencies in our lovers as well as ourselves that needs to be worked upon.
My time and words are far spent. Need I say more? Tomorrow, I will get into the nitty gritties of how to deal with competitors in love. Suffice it to say for now that healthy competition is good for love. Don’t avoid it as the insecure lover does. Don’t ignore it as the simpleton does. Rather, exploit it as all matured lovers do. This is the substance of our time together tomorrow.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
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