Someone rightly said, life is best lived looking forward, but it is best understood looking backwards. Nothing just happens, there is a process to every fall. Those who view their mistakes as sudden inexplicable events are bound to wallow in their errors. However, those who probe their past mistakes for the causes of such errors are poised to access wisdom to enable them to overcome future challenges. The following are a few insights I gleaned from looking back at the errors of my past.
I VALUED PEOPLE’S OPINIONS OVER MY ONIONS
The truth is that most of our foray into sex is powered by people’s opinion of our sexuality. Like many my age, I didn’t want to be considered antisocial and that led me into doing a lot of things not because I really wanted to, but because I wanted to feel among or fit in. What a sad way to live one’s life. I have since learned never to act contrary to what I know to be true, just to soothe peoples opinion of me. Once you are swayed by public opinion, you may never know stability sexually and otherwise. Those who value peoples opinions so much will end up being manipulated by such opinions to misbehave.
I WAS MOTIVATED BY PRESSURE AND PLEASURE INSTEAD OF PURPOSE
It is true that when one lacks a guiding sense of purpose, one is likely to yield to all manner pleasures and pressures. By not articulating a clear, cut purpose for living early enough in life, I ended up substituting pleasure for purpose, and it burned me beyond recognition. The greatest antidote to a wayward life is giving a person a sense of purpose early enough. The second thing is to link their current conduct to the ultimate fulfilment of that purpose, and such a person will automatically self regulate. Without this moral compass, our sexual lives are bound to spin out of control.
I PRIORITIZED FEELINGS OVER FACTS
The reality of life is that our feelings can blind us to the facts. No matter how deeply I felt for the people in my sexual past, the fact was that I always knew subconsciously, that we were just wasting our time and energy. Something in me told me this relationship had no future, but in most cases, I stubbornly held on either out of my feelings for them or out of a desire not to hurt their feelings. Years have come and gone and one thing stands out: THE FACTS WILL ALWAYS OUTLAST OUR FEELINGS. I have learnt to honour the facts, in spite of my feelings. There is a lady reading me right now who is emotionally involved with someone else’s husband. In spite of your feelings for him, the fact is that he will never be yours and you know it. It is time to let go and trust God for your own.
I DIDN’T KNOW THAT DELAYED GRATIFICATION IS ENHANCED GRATIFICATION
Like most young people today, I didn’t see the value of waiting on something you could get now. It is like insisting on eating food without proper cooking, or eating it while it’s hot. One would most likely get hurt or burnt as a result. No matter how hungry I am, my hunger can never speed up the rate of cooking. Likewise, the intensity of our sexual appetites can never make the timing of sex right. There is a due process and a proper time for sexual engagement. Those of us who tried to beat time created crises we still live with today.
I VALUED PERSONS OVER PRINCIPLES
People are more imposing than principles. Owing to that fact, we tend to act in the best interest of people instead of in the best interest of principles. Though principles are silent, the consequences of violating them are very loud. By choosing to ignore the guiding principles of sexual engagement, I ended up creating emotional chaos in my world, that only took the grace of God to resolve.Today you don’t have to relive the mistakes that many others and myself have made. Experience is not the best teacher, it is the costliest teacher. Those who choose to learn by isolating the principles in other people’s experiences and applying those principles to their situations will make colossal progress without paying the costly price for it. A word is enough for the wise.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE