Love is complex but it is not complicated. The more complicated our love lives are, the less we tend to enjoy it. Complicated love is however not an accident, there are certain things most of us do, consciously or unconsciously to complicate each other’s lives. Such vices should be avoided at all cost. The essence of having a relationship is the rest of the mind and peace of mind. If your relationship is not guaranteeing them both, I sincerely question the validity of its continued existence.
Here are some major ways in which people complicate each other’s lives. To avoid them is to simplify your love life and to greatly enhance its chances of working out.
There is absolutely no way to succeed with a relationship by adhering to extreme secrecy. Notice that the cohesion of your love life was greatly enhanced by the disclosure of mutual secrets to one another. Conversely, the disintegration of your love life is a function of mutual secrets kept from each other. This is why secretive couples end up feeling like two strangers forced to be together. Besides, I have noticed that there is no such thing as a secret, there is nothing hid that shall not be exposed. This means that the destiny of secrecy is exposure. The secrets we claim to keep have a way of being leaked out in the most unlikely seasons of our lives, bringing about shame and embarrassment to the relationship. A valid policy to live by is that “if I have to hide it, it is best not to do it”.
Cheat on your partner
Call it double dating, triple dating or whatever. By choosing to cheat on your partner you have multiplied the complexity of your love life not arithmetically but geometrically. Mastering one human being in love is highly complicated. Not to talk of two, three or more lovers. Each having a hundred billion brain cells, multiply that by three or four you have about 400billion brain cells to cope with. Every lover having their unique needs, desires, attitudes, weaknesses and so forth. It can almost drive one crazy. This is not to mention the rivalry, bitterness and conflicts that such emotional prostitution will generate. I don’t envy those that cheat at all.
Bottle up your emotions or react; don’t communicate
There are three major approaches that people use to cope with difficult feelings. The first two are negative, while the third is positive. First, most of us are guilty of Suppression. In this, we deny reality and refuse to bring what we are thinking or feeling to the surface of the relationship. The second is an overreaction. We yell, fight, curse, nag, or even threaten each other as a means of expression. All of the above will complicate your love life to a great degree. What works is respectful and objective communication of what you feel and think, no matter how hard they are.
Refuse to be accountable to credible mentors
True, we all want to feel like we know what we are doing, but the reality is that our success level is what validates that fact or refutes it. Accountability is not the willingness to explain your actions, it is the willingness to explain your intentions. Many confuse mentorship with crisis management. They won’t go for help until the situation is a crisis. This is rather unfortunate. Mentors are like doctors, if you report the condition at an advanced stage of deterioration, there might be nothing the mentor can do to salvage the situation. Timely discovery and disclosure of a problem can make the difference between the life and death of your love life, you must beware.
These are not exhaustive but they are common. I recommend that you personally ask yourself the question; What am I doing to complicate my love life? Once you have the answer, simplify your love life by stopping to do them. Those who work hard at this will enjoy the peace and rest that almost every lover is yearning for. Good day.