A Love that Works

I must take time to appreciate our global audience for aggressively recommending this blog to their friends and loved ones. This is evidenced by the fact that yesterday alone the numerical value of our viewers increased by over 100%. What is more remarkable is the global nature of our diverse audience. All of these further confirms to me that the global love revolution is well underway. I sure want to guarantee you that we won’t stop until the knowledge of “How love works” becomes as ubiquitous as oxygen among the citizens of the earth. Once again I say a big thank you for being a part of this love revolution.

Talking about how love works, it won’t be wise not to explore a harmonious understanding of working love before exploring the 8 kinds of relationships that are worth breaking. The greatest challenge on the subject of working relationships is that there is no universally agreed-upon model of working relationships.

If I am to break a relationship because it is not working, I must at least have an idea of what it means for a relationship to work. How well a relationship is working is a function of the mental destination that each partner had in mind before going into it. Let us explore some common but not necessarily accurate destinations that many have in mind when they come into a relationship.

DESTINATION SEX. The mindset here says that my relationship is working when we have great sex. In fact, most of the relationships in our day are simply a means to a sexual end. Sex has been the goal and motive of most male-female interactions for thousands of years. The danger of having sex as the primary destination for a relationship is that sex is a distracting force. It has a way of distracting a couple from exploring the mental and spiritual dimensions of each other because they are been occupied by the physical dimensions of one another.

Relationship sex also has a way of deepening the impact of heartbreak. on the psyche of an individual, particularly the female. Sometimes a break up can feel like a divorce because of the marital dimension of sexual commitment by singles. When sex is made the ultimate goal of a relationship, there is often no motivation for continuity once sex has been consummated again and again. This destination sex syndrome can turn a person into an individual who is only living for the next great sexual encounter. We will return to this subject of sex in relationship at a later date.

DESTINATION MARRIAGE. Those who subscribe to this destination believe that the purpose of all male-female interaction is the attainment of marriage. Nothing can be further from the truth. The rightness of a relationship is not determined by the arrival at marriage but by the quality of fulfilment that is being experienced after marriage. Anybody can get married but staying successfully married is the real deal.

I also believe that there are certain friendships that can be ruined by the prospect of marriage. The greatest marriages I have noticed were outcomes of genuine friendships. Marriage wasn’t the original goal,it evolved as the depth of friendship deepened and metamorphosed. Sometimes having a marital agenda too quick into a friendship can hurt the potential of genuinely knowing our partner as a person.

We usually are free to be ourselves around our friends, but once the prospect of marriage is involved we have a way of being pressured into being of our best behaviour while putting our best foot forward. As such the marriage prospect might never get to know who we really are until marriage.

DESTINATION FREEDOM. There are also those who believe a relationship is working so long as their partner allows them always have their way all the time. This is immature. Our world is not a free world, our world is a consequential world. The pursuit of freedom without personal responsibility will birth anarchy. A mature relationship should have restraints, guidelines and a sense of accountability to one another if it is going to work. Anything short of this will culminate in a disaster.

DESTINATION PEACE. There are also those who believe that a relationship is working if conflicts, disagreement and confrontation are nonexistent. This is unrealistic. The truth is that conflicts are sometimes the doorways to greater intimacy. Conflicts can also bring to the surface of a relationship hidden perceptions and underlying issues that need to be addressed. Conflicts sometimes can bring you to a greater awareness of how valuable your partner is.

What is however important is that the couple fights fair owns up to their respective inadequacies and not allow conflicts to be the order of the day. A sage once suggested that ” the God of peace shall bruise”. This means that there is a peace that bruises. Conflicts also represent an opportunity for us to be brutally frank with each other about the state of things in our relationship.

DESTINATION APPROVAL. There are also those who believe that a relationship is working when it enjoys the approval of family and friends all around. This is not always the case. It is an unfortunate fact that most of the people around you might not see the value of the choices you’ve made in love. Those who will wait for all round consensus on their choice of a partner might wait forever and not get anything done.

What matters therefore is the depth of conviction that the two partners have about their union with each other and a sense of divine approval of their decision. It is also important that they don’t base their conviction on deception and denial of obvious realities. If these factors are in place, people will eventually believe in you someday. If they however don’t come around, that’s their business, the success of your love life isn’t contingent on their belief in you, but on your ability to believe in one another.

These are some common destinations that many define their relationship by, they are all worthy destinations but you must put them in their proper context and timing for your love life to work. Tomorrow we will explore the 8 kinds of relationships worthy of breaking up. I believe in you.


7 thoughts on “A Love that Works

  1. True Word Sir!!! A destination is just what it is: “The predetermined end of a journey or voyage”. A relationship with sex as the destination would likely head for the rocks right after it reaches its “destination” (be it before or after marriage), So also a relationship with marriage as its sole destination will most likely begin to nose-dive after the words “i do”.

  2. You’ve been a blessing to us and you’ll continue to be a blessing to mankind. We’re proud to have you as a coach in our generation.
    More grace on you sir in Jesus name! Amen

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