So, You Call Yourself a Virgin?

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Almost nothing is as controversial in our society as the subject of virginity. There are those who believe that virgins are an endangered species in our generation. Many believe that virgins no longer exist in our sexually crazed world. I beg to differ. There are also those who believe that being a virgin is antisocial, that those who maintain sexual celibacy are mentally retarded and are missing out on the ultimate elixir of sexual sophistication. I also beg to differ.

On the other extreme, there are those who believe that virginity is the ultimate yardstick of a sound morality. This is not always the case. I must state upfront that virginity is not necessarily the proof of personal integrity and responsibility. Every sexually loose individual was at one point a virgin. This means that virginity is no guarantee that a person won’t sexually stray sometime in future. As you may very well discover, there is such a thing as a wise virgin and a foolish virgin. Jewish history reveals that the two virgin daughters of Lot, intoxicated, sedated and seduced their dad, committing incest with him, yet they were accredited virgins in their own right.

What we need is a comprehensive definition of virginity that goes beyond its definition by sexual penetration to encompass the psychological dimensions of virginity. To do that, I had to do an etymological study of the Hebrew word first used to depict the sexual experience. The word is “YADAH” in most English manuscripts is translated as “to know” which means to have sexual knowledge of. The word means to know a thing by reflection, observation and experience. This I believe, are the three parameters of authentic virginity. Let’s deal with them.


Many may claim to never have been sexually penetrated in their lifetime but how many can authentically say they are free from the temptation to observe the sexual activity. In our generation that is flooded with sexually pornographic content, few can claim to be free from its impact. In fact, the fascination with sexually explicit material tends to be higher among virgins than non-virgins. It isn’t enough to be satisfied with the fact that our genitals are free, we must aspire for our eyes to be free also.


Observation is the food of reflection. There are many who have never had sex, but whose minds and thoughts are as dirty as a porn house. One way you know your mind needs renewal is when casual words tend to have double meanings to you. First the generic meaning and then the sexual meaning. So ass becomes more than an animal, it becomes something sexually deprived. This rule applies to several other words. So while most virgins boast of having celibate genitals, few can boast of celibate minds and thoughts. The power and nature of thoughts are that our actions will eventually catch up with our thoughts, sooner or later.


These are the virgins who have never had sexual contact. They are the exception rather than the norm. I believe they are worthy of honour and respect for having preserved themselves in our sexually crazy world. Sometime soon I will touch on the immense value that this group of heroes represent in our society.

The implications of these three dimensions of virginity is first, humility on the part of those who are virgins. They must humbly acknowledge the fact that their eyes, hearts and minds may not, in reality, be as innocent as their sexual organs. This also means that they aren’t to look down on the ones that are not virgins in any way.

The implication of this for non-virgins is a radical challenge of the parameters of their morality. I mean, those that are celibate do not have two heads. Why can’t we at least live sexually responsible lives? They also shouldn’t belittle their virgin counterparts in any way. It is insanity for the pot to call the kettle black. To all of us, the three dimensions challenge us to set our sexual standards higher, to strive for purity of sight, heart, thought, and actions in all our sexual conduct. Those who win this sexual war of virtue are bound to be the moulders of human morality for generations to come. Will you take your place?


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