Today, I intend to deal with a subtle lowering of the standard of love that I am beginning to notice in my generation. This has to do with some individuals practice of sharing their love with multiple partners. This is another kind of relationship worth breaking. I call this kind of relationship DISTRIBUTIVE RELATIONSHIPS. Every once in a while you come across the love prospect who knowingly settles for a partner who is obviously involved with someone else. It is unimaginable that a person will knowingly share their lover with someone else.There are a few reasons why such perverted models of love exist.

  • LOW SELF-ESTEEM: The lower a person’s self esteem,the more likely they are to agree to whatever kind of love a prospective partner has to offer. A person with low self esteem doesn’t mind being number two,three or four in the long list of lovers because they internally lack the confidence it takes to demand the exclusive attention of their partners. They are the emotional version of the biblical beggar Lazarus who desired the crumbs that fell from the rich man’s table. Some can claim to make a good living out of begging but no one can make a good loving out of begging.

  • WRONG CONVICTION: Some have been convinced by an intelligent partner that his or her love for them is supreme. You see this issue in some married men who convince the woman out there that she is of more value to them emotionally than their wives. Oh you are more beautiful, more sexy, in fact more intelligent than my wife they claim. Don’t be deceived if a person cannot leave another for you,you are not as valuable to them as they claim. Wake up and smell the coffee.
  • RELIGIOUS CONDITIONING: There are certain religions that have convinced certain sexes of their lack of value to the point where six or seven ladies are willing to settle for loyal matrimony to one randy man,in spite of how bad they might feel about it. Any religion that places value on adherence to a divine at the expense of human worth and dignity is trash.
  • FRUSTRATION: There are those who have tried legitimately to find exclusive love all to no avail. Some out of frustration have settled with being the third and fourth wives of wealthy personalities. Some others have chosen to be the out of bound,out of site concubines of some family men. While I deeply sympathize with their frustration,the reality is that the strain and stress of these lifestyles often cost them their personal happiness and peace of mind.
  • ECONOMIC HARDSHIP: The fifth reason why some settle for shared love is because of economic hardships. Some do not enjoy living that way but they put up with it just to get their needs met. This is also unfortunate.
  • CULTURAL PRACTICES AND NORMS: Certain cultures permit the sharing of partners. In fact some cultures consider it a badge of honor to do so. We must learn from history on this matter, that any culture that undermines the value of marital fidelity ends up destroyed. You only need to read Edward Gibbon’s historical account of the Roman empire to come to that conclusion.

The facts should be stated in closing. There is a fundamental law of exclusivity to love. The more you love a thing the more you want it to yourself alone. This is the rational origin of jealousy. A love that is willing to share its partner is absurd. You cannot serve two masters,either you will love one or hate the other. When love is professed for two or more people,the truth is that only one is being loved while the others are being used. Are you the loved? or Are you the used?

The bitter rivalry, brutal competition,emotional and psychological torture that is the outcome of shared love should be enough encouragement for us to keep away from such awkward arrangements. We all must assert our right to be loved exclusively. If we won’t demand for exclusive love for the sake of our inherent value and dignity as human beings, let us demand it for the sake of our ultimate happiness and peace of mind. Good morning.

Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly,Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter

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  1. Shared love aint love but pure lust and selfishness.its a game of who is smater but its a pity there is always an innocent victim

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