LOVE STAMINA

I have always been obsessed with making love last. I am of the opinion that falling in love isn’t a big deal. What is special is the ability to stay in love for a long period of time. Unfortunately, this love stamina or staying power is a difficult thing to come across these days.Love doesn’t last in our days because we break what I call “THE HONOR CODE”. Investigate every failed love enterprise and you will discover that at some point, they stopped honoring one another. The honor code implies that if your love will last, you must make your lover your highest human priority. Notice I didn’t say your highest priority, but your highest human priority. This is because I am of the opinion that the one who created us should be our highest spiritual priority, if our love must remain sane.

Anybody can honor a person they just met,but it takes a real love hero,to honor someone they have always known. All relationships tend to begin with honor, but as we become familiar with each other, honoring each other tends to take the back seat of our lives. It is at this point that the relationship begins to die. We then stop seeing anything special, unique or valuable in the one that we have always claimed to love. How then can one make love last?

1. YOU MUST GIVE YOUR LOVER FIRST PLACE IN YOUR LIFE: If your lover doesn’t come first,your love will not last. I have discovered that whatever you deem to be more important than your lover will always become a point of conflict in love. It doesn’t matter, if it is your job, money, cars, friends, parents, children or whatever. Your lover must come first. Some of us tend to make a grave mistake when we value outsiders and strangers over our lovers. Some wives and husbands put up their best performances when strangers are around. They dress their best when going out, and their worst when staying in. They serve strangers with the best of plates, cutleries, and food. Some men will rather spend for strangers than insiders. All of such tendencies show warped sense of priority. Love is bound to fail if we make such mistakes. Your partner must come first.

2. ONLY USE HONOR CONVEYING WORDS FOR YOUR LOVER:  Are you mad? You are sick. I hate you. You must be crazy. These are some of the uncivilized words that we use, in reference to the ones we claim to love at times. How sad. Many of us use our anger as an excuse to justify such debilitating words in communication with our partner. Never forget that, the love profile of your relationship can not rise beyond the quality of the words used in that relationships. It is crucial not to let any corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth toward your partner,only use words that would build your partner up. This will require disciplining yourselves to speak H.C.W.O (HONOR CONVEYING WORDS ONLY), in spite of how you feel. We must realize that though we may apologize for words spoken in contempt, but words once spoken, can never be forgotten by the one who heard them.
3. IN SPITE OF WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH, ALWAYS REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH: This is your husband, wife or lover, we are talking about. Our misbehaviors in love happen often because we temporarily forget who we are dealing with,while being obsessed with what we are dealing with. The moment we prioritize “what” over “who” the capacity for conflicts escalates. However things calm down, once we become mindful of who we are dealing with. This is particularly so during conflicts. Those of us who have a problem with amaurotic anger,must realize that even in anger,the matured lover must never loose sight of who their lover is and what their lover means to them.

4. WE MUST STRIVE TO PAYBACK OUR LOVERS FOR DECIDING TO LOVE US IN THE FIRST PLACE: Love is perhaps a privilege and not a right. Not everybody living is granted the privilege of love in a lifetime. This is why you must cherish the one you’ve got. Once in my etymological study of the Hebrew origin of the word honor, I found that the word means to “pay”. In other words to honor your lover means to pay your lover for loving you,or to ensure that your love pays. If your lover will not choose you again, if given another chance, it must mean that your love didn’t pay them. Honoring your lover means that you must consistently look for ways to add value to them,financially, spiritually, materially, emotionally, psychologically, and other wise. This will mean that there will exist no regrets in your love life because TRUE LOVE PAYS.

Those of us who abide by the honor code are bound to be rewarded with a love stamina that will last for decades to come. Those who don’t are bound to be the victims of the volatile brand of love that is afflicting my generation. Which side will you be on?

THE GREATEST IS LOVE.

Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global
Enthronement Assembly Lagos
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter.
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