The biggest conflict you may have to face in love, is the conflict between what you need and what you want. To put it another way,the greatest challenge you may have to face in love is the battle between who you need,and who you want. One writer brightly declares that success is getting what you want,while fulfillment is wanting what you’ve got. Not everyone who gets what they want in love, eventually end up wanting what they’ve gotten.Happy are you, if both what you need and what you want in love, is found in the same person. You might not need to read this article, if you fall into this prestigious category. However most lovers in their lifetime, may have to make a choice between their wants and their needs in love. It is to those in this delicate category that I am writing this article. Many faced with this dilemma,have gone one of two ways in decision making. First it is either that they have allowed the resultant tension, to stop them from making a love decision altogether, or like most of us will do, they’ve danced to the tune of what they want in love, to the detriment of what they truly need.

What we all want in love are those things that,though love may be able to do without,it would rather not do without. Some examples of our universal wants in love are things like beauty, sophistication, money, elegance, sexiness, sociability,popularity, handsomeness, just to mention but a few. Our wants in love are mostly external in nature. While it is important not to undermine the value of such things in love,it is crucial to realize that possessing these external attributes do not necessarily guarantee the successful outcome of our love lives.

What we need on the other hand are those things that true love can not survive without. They are the softer and mostly internal attributes of a person that guarantees the sustainability and fulfillment of our love lives. They are intangible love assets such as integrity, truthfulness, devotion, faith, peace, joy, goodness, meekness, humility, patience, respect, loyalty, maturity, perseverance and the likes. They aren’t urgent or compulsive in nature,yet they form the bedrock of any long lasting love enterprise.

The dilemma, however, is the fact that in many love cases,the two extremes of what we want and need could exist in different people. Thereby triggering confusion as to which direction we are to go in love. It is my opinion, that if you are privileged to have both your wants and needs showing up in the same person, if they are emotionally available,you must aggressive exercise the prerogative of holding on to them,and never ever letting them go. Such opportunities are indeed rare.

On the other hand if you have to choose between your wants and your needs being met in a lover, please and please go for your needs. Maturity is the ability to prioritize what you need, over what you want. The oxymoron of love is that while settling for what you want in love may not guarantee your needs being met, going for what you need stands a greater chance of eventually ensuring that your wants get fulfilled.

It is high time we courageously separate the wheat of our love lives from the chaff of our love lives. It is time we become both objective and decisive in the evaluation of our love lives. It is time to realize in maturity that even if we can’t have it all in love, we can at least settle for the best of all that is available to us in love. It is time to break the grip of indecision and hesitation in love by settling for the available love prospect who is most poised to meet our needs. This prioritization of our needs over our wants in love, while not discounting the importance of our wants will be the defining mark of the realistic lovers of our time. Good morning.


Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.
BBpin; 270B1423

* Please note that all enquiries about speaking engagements and professional counseling should be sent by email to the above email address. Thanks.

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  1. (Y)
    yeahs our NEEDs include; integrity, truthfulness, devotion, faith, peace, joy, goodness, meekness, humility, patience, respect, loyalty, maturity, perseverance and the likes.
    God help us!

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