Beginnings are connected to endings. How a thing starts will most likely determine how it ends. In an earlier article I called this phenomenon “Genesis Analysis”. By analyzing how things started, you can predict how things will end. If the foundation of a relationship is warped, there is almost nothing you might be able to do to save it.

Let’s briefly consider how not to start a relationship.

  • DON’T START WITH SEX: Giving your relationship a sexual foundation will guarantee untold failures in love. This is because pleasure isn’t a good foundation to build anything upon. The greatest challenge of premature sex is that the exploration of each other’s body sexually, distracts from the exploration of each other’s soul and spirit,intellectually and spiritually. The distorted expectations generated by sex, places untold strains on the very existence of the relationship. This is besides the psychological turmoil that the fear of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, abortions and the pressure for sexual performance imposes on the relationship. Those who sexually put the cart before the horse in their relationship are bound to be handicapped for the rest of their lives.

  • DON’T START IN BITTERNESS: Many lovers start a relationship to prove a point to someone who disappointed them in the past. Doing so is giving your past partner control over your love outcomes, in spite of their absence. If you allow the fountain of past bitterness spring up within you, it will defile future opportunities. You must realize that your current partner isn’t the one that hurt you,so stop making them pay. A bitter lover, can never be a better lover, until they let go of their bitterness. The way you let go is by forgiving them and moving on with your life. I am convinced that real forgiveness does more for us, than it does for the one we are forgiving. So let go of the bitterness.
  • DON’T START IN IGNORANCE: Ignorance is also a poor foundation for our love initiatives. How can you claim to love a person you don’t know? This ignorance is multifaceted in nature. A prospective lover can be ignorant of the one they are seeking to love. Ignorant of their strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, past and so forth. On the other hand, a person could be ignorant of the nature of love itself. Thirdly a person could be ignorant regarding the skills and attitudes it takes for love to flourish. No matter how we want to look at it, ignorance is costly to our love lives.
  • DON’T START PRESUMPTUOUSLY: Assumption is a poor love foundation. I often ask love couples if they are sure this is the one for them? They often reply that they think so. It is more important to know so, than to think so. If you don’t want to be sour in love,be sure. Being sure takes time. Being sure takes tests. Being sure takes friendship. Being sure takes prayers. Being sure takes intense observation. Without this deep rooted conviction, a relationship isn’t likely to survive the storms and trials that life will throw at them.
  • DON’T START A RELATIONSHIP IN COMPARISON: Many start relationships out of comparison. The fact that all your friends are married, doesn’t necessarily mean its time for you to get married. You must have an intrinsic sense of timing,when it comes to your love life. Whatever you do in love,based on what others are doing, is most likely not to suit you well, personally. This is why every lover must prioritize looking within over looking around in love.

Once again how we choose to start a thing will determine not only how it goes but also how it ends. Make a decision today to start it right.


Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos
@lovedynamix on twitter
BBpin; 270B1423

* Please note that all enquiries about speaking engagements and professional counseling should be sent by email to the above email address. Thanks.

* Also feel free to download our newly launched Love Dynamics app on blackberry app world. Simply click on the following link and download for free.

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