Yesterday, we established companionship as a vital ingredient of a perfect love environment. We began to navigate the complex waters of long distance relationships. We made the fact clear that real love finds a way to keep in touch. Today, I want to give a few potent guidelines for managing long distance relationships.The first issue is that it is wise to explore the long distance option, if only you have had extensive prior, personal and practical knowledge of the person over a significant period of time. This enables you balance your partner’s geographical distance with your practical knowledge of the person over time. This is however not a failure proof strategy to use in love because people actually change in life.
One writer spoke about the delusional temptation man has to worship what he doesn’t know. What he means is that knowledge must precede love or worship. Unfortunately what I notice is that some people start full scale long distance relationships with people that they virtually know nothing about. Most online affairs in fact are built only upon a profile picture that is likely to be doctored,a personal online profile that is most likely to be falsified and most of all typed words that can not be verified for authenticity. To undermine the place of face to face, flesh and blood,long term interaction in starting a long distance relationship is to risk loving a lie.
My second admonition is this, know yourself and don’t deceive yourself. Long distance relationships are not for everybody. Some people’s loyalty to their lover is as strong as the presence of their lover. Their love, integrity and commitment disintegrates rapidly once their lover isn’t around. This might be because of a temperamental proclivity. For instance, sanguines tend to be loyal when you are around and they easily forget you when you are not.
The point is not to criticize yourself for being the way you are, but to acknowledge the way you are and let your love model flow from the personal knowledge of yourself. Once you know in yourself that you can’t handle your partner’s distance effectively,insist from the inception of your relationship that long distance love isn’t an option for you. Do not go ahead with a prospective lover until, you reach consensus on the issue. Never deceive your self.
Should you for some reason find yourself in a long distance relationship, the key to its sustenance is communication, communication, communication. Communication is the capital price you have to pay for the survival of a long distance relationship. Such lovers should invest in deploying a robust communication infrastructure before attempting to start the relationship at all. Such infrastructure may include, qualitative smart phones for daily calls and chats or a robust internet infrastructure for video bogging and social networks like skype and the others.
It is also important in communication that both long distance lovers take the excruciating pain to share every minutest detail of their lives away from one another with each other. I mean every detail, like how the day went, who they met, frustrations encountered, joys experienced, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. This will go a long way to foster intimacy during their time apart.
It is also important for long distance couples to take the occurrence of lack of communication seriously. Lack of communication is the master signal of death in a relationship. Once communication ceases, the death of the relationship has occurred. Long distance lovers should fight for communication in their relationship like a drowning man will fight for air. However, if all attempts to revive communication fails, the facts must be faced. THE RELATIONSHIP IS DEAD. All you need to do is to conduct a relationship post mortem, a befitting relationship burial and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
The fourth thing to do in a long relationship is to guard your heart with all diligence. In order to do this, you must understand how the heart functions. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The implication is this. While you are at a distance from your partner you must deliberately refuse to open up the treasures of your heart to another else your heart will move in that direction.
The treasures of your heart may include personal secrets, desires, aspirations, temptations, thoughts, feelings, frustrations and agitations just to mention but a few. Once you open up the treasures of your heart to another who is not your partner,your heart follows. The outcome could be a full fledged affair. This is why as a long distance lover, you must refuse to open up to another, even if there are others who can meet your needs over there.
This topic is inexhaustible. I will still write on this matter in greater detail sometime in future. My final admonition is this don’t take it too far. Many people underestimate the damage that distance can do to their love lives, only to wake up and realize they’ve lost their love and have nothing to fall back upon. Why not visit your loved ones regularly. You might be able to handle the distance well, but are you sure your spouse can? Are you sure your children can? Many have chosen the development of a career or the pursuit of wealth over the development of enriching relationships. Such people end up with a lot of money in their hand but with a hole in their heart.
They build the house but have nobody to live there with. They make the money but there is no one to share it with. They make the fame and have millions of fans but have no one to accept them for who they are. In the final analysis, Love is the purpose of life. Love is the meaning of life. Love is the value of life and companionship is the supreme act of love.
Have a remarkable weekend.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly,Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter
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“The implication is this while you are at a distance from your partner you must deliberately refuse to open up the treasures of your heart to another,else your heart will move in that direction”….Very true sir, a mistake very easy to make due to human’s (mostly women) natural desire to pour out our heart to d closest listening ear.
And those that teach others to be wise shall shine as stars forever(The BIble)-may you continually radiate with God’s wisdom sir.
Practical and insightful sir. It’s pretty educating.
True… I was in a six years straight long distance relationship before getting together recently and here are some principles that were applied strongly. Most especially in the area of communication… We had a rule; “Even when we have misunderstand, no matter how terrible it seems, never end the call, never ignore the calls. If you end the call, you have potentially ended the relationship, if you ignore the call, you have chosen to ignore the relationship.
Other keys apart apart from communication are;
1. Understanding your partner. And on a general note, understanding. Distant relationship is not for babes, it is for the matured. There will be a lot of discouragement from people who could have been strength to you so you must understand what you are into.
2. Trust- Trust to us was a decision, we decided to trust each other and we did not live in suspense. Something you will always hear other people say “Do you know what he/she is doing right now”. We also had a principle to guard against what people say and it “No matter what people say, ask questions from me before you make your decision”. In that case you must be opened and tell the truth no matter how bad it is. For the offended spouse, you must always be willing to forgive and let go. You can’t afford to hold things against each other. If you find it difficult to forgive each other, kneel down and pray to receive grace.
3. Love- Love is the last of all but as important as every other. It is the last because I have seen people who are in love with each other and ended up part ways because they lack understanding of the remaining ones. Mostly the area of Communication.
More Importantly,
Psalm 127:1
Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
Be sure God is leading you. That is one thing that will keep you going against all odds. This is not a joke. Personally, between you and God, be sure you are being led by God, I did not say your pastor. Your pastor can only confirm what God has spoken to you in the area of relationship or speak contrary to it “If he has a personal, unspiritual interest(God is not an author of confusion)”. If he speaks contrary to it, pray again, be sure you are not being led by emotion(be sincerely sincere with yourself. lol) and hold on to God. With Godly wisdom, not rebelliously, move on with God. Act 5:29 “Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men” (Remember I said with Godly wisdom). At least he thought you to be led by the holy spirit, and he should not be angry what the holy spirit(and his teaching) is doing in your life. lol
Lastly Proverb 3:5-7
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
I can write this now because it worked for me.
In Summary;
Its like a table. It has four legs…. Communication, Understanding, Trust and Love…
A table does not hang in the air, it has to rest on something before it can serve its purpose…. and that is God. Those four legs must stand on God for it to work out. I still remain loyal… Fakokunde Oladotun Segun
Thank u sir, it really insightful.
That is great words of understanding…No matter the misunderstanding never ignore calls even when you are so busy and lack of communication will surely break a relationship built for years…