Be Decisive in Love

We have been exploring six lessons I have learnt from the first break-up ever. The first is that spirituality alone does not guarantee relationship success. The second is that good intention alone won’t make your love life work. The third is that if you don’t decide the direction of your relationship, someone or something else will. God entered a relationship with man in Genesis1:28 and by Genesis 3, the relationship was terminated without sentiments in spite of his investment in their creation. He did this because it was apparent that the relationship wasn’t working according to his plans. It doesn’t take a decade to know a relationship that won’t work. God was decisive in love.

One thing that keeps us holding on to dying relationships is our tendency to be overwhelmed by the magnitude of investments we have made in them in the past. The danger of this is that we are focusing on our yesterdays, in spite of the possibility of such relationships neutralizing our future. Dynamic relationships are vehicles of tomorrow, as such, they should be future-focused. It is better to base your relationship on a common future, rather than a common past.

Many also have a tendency to not want to be the first to break a toxic relationship. My opinion is that if it is a toxic relationship, it is an imperial honour to be the first to opt out of it. Maturity is not the ability to deny reality, it is the ability to confront it head-on. Denying reality can never nullify reality.

A lot of us also endure abusive relationships under the false hope that the erring partner will change. Hmmm, I laugh. Basing your future with someone on the possibility of their change, rather than on the certainty of their change is at best emotional gambling. If you love yourself and you should, you shouldn’t endure a toxic relationship for a second. Time is not necessarily a changer of attitudes in a relationship. Be decisive. The real deal in Genesis was that Adam was cheating on God with his newly found partner Satan. He was double-dealing, double dating and two-timing. That was something the high self-esteem of God could not accommodate. If you were created in God’s image, you shouldn’t take it as well.

Finally, some hang on to these toxic relationships because of the fear of not finding someone to love them again in future. I will rather risk the possibility of finding someone good in future than living with the certainty of having someone bad in the present. What about you?

So throw off the guilt and fear. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to be celebrated and appreciated. Most of all, you deserve to be fulfilled. If what you are in has been proven not to work overtime, receive the courage to move on and move ahead. You deserve the best. Don’t settle for less.


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