We have been exploring the several models of love that are worth doing without. Yesterday we aggressively established the fact that love is not wicked and that cruelty has no place in genuine love. Today we want to deal with the subject of PASSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.A passive relationship is one in which a single partner takes responsibility for the success of the relationship while the other partner looks on. In it, one person does all the giving while the other does all the receiving . Unfortunately this kind of anomaly seems normal to a lot of our relationships.

Several times I have come across a partner who complains that they are the only ones doing the calling,the visiting,the giving, and even the loving,while the other partner contributes nothing. This ought not be so.

Passiveness could be a clue to the fact that your partner is not interested in you. It could be a sign that your partner has a significant other to whom their heart belongs. It could even mean that the relationship is over in their heart and that they are just looking for the right time to let you have the bombshell. Whatever passiveness means in your case,it is one thing that shouldn’t be taken lightly. The danger of allowing such passive relationships to flourish is numerous.

  • It robs off the development of faculties of care permanently. Case in point,there are many homes in which the woman takes responsibility for the needs and bills of the home. She pays the rents,school fees,grocery bills and even the clothing bills. After several years of living like this, the man of the house becomes intellectually and economically paralyzed, unable to discharge his responsibilities as a man. This is because his capacity for provision were not exercised and developed.

  • It engenders a dangerous sense of entitlement: The more the passive partner receives, the more they expect to receive and the cycle goes on. A lover who is infected with the disease of entitlement eventually begins to view their partner’s acts of love not as a privilege but as a right.
  • It fosters dependency in the receiving partner: Sometimes this dependency malaise can lead to redundancy and heartbreak, should the active lover decide to pull out of the scenario. I know of a military officer who passed on in an aircraft accident,leaving behind the wife and several children. The wife eventually worried herself to death a year later, leaving the children as orphans. She claimed that she couldn’t bare the loss of the husband. This was because the husband was responsible to a fault. She on the other hand was dependent to a fault. There is a limit to taking responsibility in love. There is a level of responsibility taken in a relationship that can foster irresponsibility in ones partner. Maturity is to know the point at which your personal responsibility is beginning to trigger irresponsibility in your partner,and to step away from it. We must take a lesson from God in this matter, though God loves us, but God will not do for us what we can do for ourselves. Likewise you may love your partner but you should not do for your partner what they should do by themselves.

  • The passive partner can begin to take the active partner for granted: This is so sometimes because the passive lover begins to believe that the active partner is doing so because they have no options. Unfortunately this is not always the case.

  • Passivity is the cousin of immobility: A relationship with two committed and dedicated people will travel faster that a relationship being pushed by a single person. Two some say, are better than one because they have a better reward for their labour.

In closing we must understand that love is a mutual activity. To take away the mutuality in love is to rob it of its vitality. Love should be two sided and not one sided. It should be reciprocal. Increase is guaranteed by that which every party supplies. Each partner must strive to outdo the other in contribution. If you however are in the prison of passive love, start contemplating your freedom. Don’t settle for a person who is passive about you,don’t settle for people who are enduring you and getting along in their relationship with you by minimum input. Live by the maxim of all or none. By all we aren’t endorsing premarital promiscuity,we are simply saying, if you are going to have a relationship, GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT OR NO SHOT AT ALL. Nothing is as painful as giving full time commitment to someone who is giving part time commitment to you.
You deserve the best.


Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.

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5 thoughts on “A LOVE TO DOUBT

  1. “To take away the mutuality in love is to rob it of its vitality” ..So on point sir. Either intentional or otherwise, passiveness is a relationship cancer, it gradually eats up d relationship till it’s too late to save it!!!

  2. Indeed, a passive relationship leads to frustration…it’s like fetching water from a tap without refilling the the tank, soon the water will run out. Thanks for the post, bless your darling heart sir.

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