4 Ways to Handle Love’s Ultimate Challenges

The fact that love is complex, doesn’t mean it has to be complicated. What stops the complex from being complicated is scaling up our ability to manage complexity. As our love life intensifies, we will have to interact with so many diverse constituencies to keep our love life in equilibrium. Those who aren’t smart enough to juggle these competing priorities will have problems in love. Consider the following points as keys that will keep your love life from spinning out of order because of external pressure.

Distinguish between the primary and secondary

You cannot invest in secondary relationships more than in primary relationships and not get into trouble. The two primary relationships in your life are first your relationship with your creator and next, your relationship with your spouse. Most of your resources should be invested first in those directions before attending to the secondary ones. Even children, as dear as they are to us, must not be allowed to usurp this delicate order. Once our priorities are muddled up, it’s only a matter of time before our love castles come crashing down on us.

Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to love what belongs to love

Realize that we aren’t advocating the total neglect of secondary relationships, that will create another kind of problem. Neglecting secondary relationships will create two kinds of problems. First, it will create animosity, tension and strife between secondary relationships and your primary relationships and you aren’t likely to have enough peace of mind to enjoy your primary relationships if that happens. The second problem is that neglecting your secondary relationships will make you become over-demanding of your primary relationship, and that also could lead to a breakdown. You must be wise enough to know that your primary relationship can not replace your secondary relationship so you must give what you can to the secondary.

Realise that you can’t please everyone and don’t even try

The fact that you are called to love everybody doesn’t mean that you are called to please everybody. You are bound to get into an emotional ditch if you are a people pleaser. Andy Stanley of North Point nailed it on the head when he said “You are not called to fill everybody’s cup, you are called to empty yours. You must be willing to be content with the fact that no matter what you do, some people will be unsatisfied. You must not feel guilty about it at all, inequality is a reality of life. Those who advocate for equality are ignorant of the fundamental nature of our world.

You must learn to prioritise the needs to be met

We all are a limited resource, and we all have limited resources. The limited nature of our resources, call for the development of strategic priorities in the allocation of those resources. Particularly in primary relationships, you are to meet the needs that mean a lot to your partner first. For instance, in most cases, meeting your husband’s need for respect and sex is likely to be more important than meeting his spiritual needs. Meeting your wife’s need for emotional security is likely to mean more to her than meeting her need for material sophistication. You have to deliberately discern what matters most to your lover and go about loving them in their own way.

If you skillfully do all of the above, you will most likely stop what is complex from being complicated. With your priorities in order, you would stand a greater chance of making love work, than someone who lacks priorities. Most of all your love life is bound to be rich and fulfilling.


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