real loveReal love is expensive. It will cost you some things. This is what many lovers today don’t want to deal with. Show me that love that didn’t cost a thing and I will show you a love that isn’t worth a thing. Sacrifice is a cardinal proof of love. Many are rejoicing at the prospect of two becoming one,while ignoring the cost of the desired oneness. If two wholes will become one, it must be that half of each one will be lost in the process. This, dear friends is the perfect picture of the magnitude of the sacrifice it will take for love to be united.The major reason why many fail in love is because they try to travel into love with too many baggage from the past. We want to hold on to everything in our past and still embrace the one we love in the future. It won’t work. For our love lives to work, we must distinguish between the things that are permissible and the things that are expedient. We must hold on to only the things that are expedient for our love to work. It is a rule in the transportation industry that the higher you intend to fly,the lighter you have to travel. Likewise if you want to fly high in love you have to travel light. Anyone who is not willing to sacrifice what it takes for your love to fly isn’t worthy of your time and attention. Real love will cost you. Let us look at some weights that we must lay aside,if we are to run the race of love successfully.

  1. REAL LOVE WILL COST YOU SOME ASSOCIATIONS: I remember several years ago when I got married,I wanted to carry along all my female platonic friends from my past into my marital life, but I was quick to realize that not all my single friends could fit into my married life. So I had to let a lot of them go. Had I insisted on maintaining the same degree of intimacy I had with them when I was single,as a married man, my marriage would have failed. It is a fact that many who are familiar with our past, find it difficult to fit into our new status in future. If we carry too much of yesterday into our today and tomorrow,it could be a threat to the future. Unfortunately many make the best threat to their relationship,their best friends. Oh you can’t separate us,some say,we are best friends. To them I would say, why didn’t you choose them instead of your partner? Lover, if you notice your partner is finding it hard to let go of a particular friend, who is an obvious threat to your relationship,just know that there is fire on the mountain. The fact that they can’t let go of the threat to please you is a statement of the value that, your partner has for that threat. You must stand your ground and insist that the intrusive outsider be decisively dealt with. In fact you are on dangerous ground if your lover and your best friend are in two separate individuals. It will make you double minded and it could predispose you to having an affair with your so called best friend. We must be wise.
  2. REAL LOVE WILL COST YOU YOUR FREEDOM: The war between love and freedom is a global one. Many prospective lovers are looking for free love. A brand of love that places no restraints on the various partners. Each partner is this kind of love arrangement is free to do what they like,how they like,with whom they like, in spite of their love relationship. This is the zenith of junk. Some people are in marriages where their partner has no right to even know where they are going to, or what happened at work. Such lovers aren’t privy to any information in their lover’s life. That is absurd. If you haven’t found a person, who you find more important than your freedom you haven’t found love yet. Please by the sacrifice of freedom we aren’t talking about dysfunctional lovers who in the name of love, deny their lovers of fundamental human rights, that is also wrong. What we mean is that real love will require accountability to each other, about the various crucial areas of their lives,or else it isn’t love. The “mind your business and let me mind mine” brand of love is wrong because in real love my partner’s business is meant to be mine. And mine is meant to be theirs.
  3. REAL LOVE WILL COST YOU YOUR INDEPENDENCE: Nothing wrecks love like subscribing to an independent spirit. Interdependence is the zenith of maturity in love. We aren’t talking about depending on your partner because you have to, we are talking about depending on them because you chose to. Having to, is dependence,and deciding to is interdependence. The interdependent couple are matured enough to acknowledge the independent strengths that each of them have,yet they are humble enough to acknowledge their individual weaknesses and their need for one another. The independent love failures on the other hand proudly declares their self sufficiency and they talk, act and behave as if they need nobody, whereas they secretly live with the greatest needs.
  4. REAL LOVE WILL COST YOU YOUR PRIVACY: Nothing is as counterproductive in love as holding on to your privacy, while at the same time holding on to your love. Many want to assert their right to keep secrets from their partner,and move on with their love lives. The reality however is that the things we keep away from our partner practically, will eventually keep us away from our partner emotionally. The private things we share with our partners tend to bind us together. Of course, some depths of disclosure like sex should be reserved for marriage. But an overall policy of openness should be encouraged in love. An inclination toward excessive privacy could be a vital sign that your partner is living a double standard life. After all what is the big deal in checking your partner’s phone, if they have nothing to hide. Only those who have something to hide, are very aggressive about protecting their privacy. Those who are sincere don’t mind disclosure. Beware.

Oops am out of word count for today. I will complete my thoughts on this all important subject tomorrow. For now please realize that anyone who isn’t willing to sacrifice to a measurable degree, some or all of these things, their love should be questioned. And if found wanting, the relationship can be terminated. Particularly if the couple aren’t married yet. Love is expensive friends. A love worth having is love worth sacrificing for. See you tomorrow.


Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.
BBpin; 270B1423

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