love-lust-7One dangerous but common love equation is when you find yourself in love with someone who is in lust with you. Today we will attempt to resolve this dilemma. The greatest impersonation in our generation is the impersonation of love by lust. Many who fall for this disguise end up totally heart broken in life.It is very true that there is a thin line between love and lust and many lovers occasionally overstep this line. For instance, it is marital wisdom that you can both love and lust after your husband or wife. This is crucial because of the scope of sexual duties in marriage. It is however important never to confuse lust with love. In reality, it is counter productive to attempt to build your love life on a foundation of lust.

One reason why the corruption of lust is difficult to avoid in our generation is because our society is super saturated with lust. The music, movies and even major advertising agencies consider sex as a strategic selling point. As such, it is projected by every available media. The fashion industry for the most part has confused attraction with seduction.
Most of what we wear these days must look sexy for it to sell. The challenge of dressing to seduce is that, it is difficult to convince someone you attracted with a lust agenda to suddenly convert to having a love agenda for you. It doesn’t work that way. To avoid being a victim of lust, you must learn to discern lust, or better still, distinguish lust from love.

  • LUST IS TEMPORARY: Lust never lasts. Whenever someone’s affection for you only lasts between sexual foreplay and sexual ejaculation, you know you are a victim of lust. Some of you know what I am talking about. There are certain people who are nicest to you when they want to have sex with you. Once they have had their way, their mood and attitude changes. This is lust personified.

  • LUST IS SELFISH. The defining mark of true love is selflessness. The defining mark of lust is selfishness. When you notice a partner who is out to gratify their personal desires regardless of the consequences on others, you have found lust face to face. The whole abortion industry is powered by selfishness driven by lust. First, there is the selfishness of men who want pleasure without principles. Such men keep sweet talking their partners into having countless abortions just to save face. There is the selfishness of single ladies who want the pleasure of sex without the responsibility of motherhood. There is also the selfishness of abortion centers,whose principal lust is for financial gain. In some extreme cases there is the selfishness of parents who encourage their children to abort in other to preserve their family’s lofty image in the community.

  • LUST PREFERS INVOLVEMENT WITHOUT COMMITMENT: Lust has commitment phobia. In fact when lust decides to commit, it does so awkwardly. While love is committed to your whole life, lust is often committed to your whole body. We live in a day that encourages so called free love, what they don’t know is that what is being accomplished is free lust. Authentic love will gladly choose the tightness of commitment over the looseness of involvement.

  • LUST IS OUT TO GET: Lust is out to get!get!get! Love is out to give!give!give! Is yours a giving relationship or a getting relationship? Who actually is doing more of the giving than the getting? Is the ratio of giving to getting balanced in your relationship? We will return to this subject sometime later. But it is important to note that lust is destructive, while love is constructive.

If you find out that you are in love with someone who is in lust with you. The first thing you must do is acknowledge it, don’t sentimentally deny it. The second thing you must do is to refuse to fuel the lust. Whatever you don’t feed will eventually die. In fact you should withhold some or all of the dividends of lust from your relationship and see what is left of it. I often dare single couples who are sexually involved to withhold sex from their partner and see if the relationship survives. Any relationship that can’t survive the absence of sex is definitely not love.

Finally, if all attempts to get to real love from lust fails, quitting might be a credible alternative. The wife of one of my mentors wasn’t able to have sex with her husband for about 10years due to her medical condition, and the marriage remained intact with the man maintaining his fidelity. Can you imagine what the outcome would have been if the marriage was based on lust? What if you were the one involved? Make sure you discuss this issue with your partner and get a feedback. Do have a rewarding day.


Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global
Enthronement Assembly, Lagos
@lovedynamix on twitter

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