A kiss? Well kisses are and have always been a means of expressing affection in diverse cultures. Before someone thinks I am about to give a tutorial on the art and science of kissing, let me clarify myself. I want to talk today about the KISS OF BETRAYAL. How to handle affectionate betrayals in love. Nothing is as painful and problematic as finding out someone you genuinely loved has betrayed you.This betrayal may take several forms. It could manifest in the form of your partner cheating on you with someone least expected. It could manifest as your partner divulging confidential information about you to people who shouldn’t be privy to them. It could even manifest as your partner being ungrateful for your loyalty over the years and trivializing your contributions to their well being. It could manifest in the form of a partner who takes sides with your enemies against you in a conflict. Whatever form it takes, betrayal can be one of the most heart rending experiences a lover might have to go through in their lifetime.
It Is Easier Prevented Than Confronted
Your greatest insurance against betrayal is to only admit people of stellar integrity into your inner circle. You must learn to guard your heart with all diligence. Another word for this is developing the art of emotional self defense. It is not that people are so hurting, it is that you are so trusting. Many individuals leave their hearts without walls and wonder why they get emotionally violated by betrayals. They admit people into their hearts and lives without tests and end up getting themselves wounded.
Certain painful experiences of betrayal in my early days made be vow to put sophisticated security systems around my heart. It made me realize that not everybody who is with me, is for me. I have often said that maturity is the ability to distinguish those that are with you, from those that are for you. Early betrayals made me compartmentalize my life into three parts. My outer court, my inner court, and my sanctum sanctorum. The innermost courts of my life is only made available to the very few who overtime have paid the high price of integrity, loyalty and stellar commitment. The pains of betrayal made me draw a thick line between my friends and my acquaintances. This emotional defense infrastructure screened the people in my life and ensured that only the very few who ever got in had the potential to betray me.
Such defense mechanisms are vital for lovers in our postmodern world, if they won’t fall cheaply to betrayal. A guaranteed recipe for betrayal is to believe everybody, trust everybody and admit everybody. If you do that, soon enough you will be brutally betrayed. If you leave the walls of your heart unguarded don’t complain when the contents of your heart are vandalized. Let proven integrity overtime be the key to accessing your heart.
Refuse To Generalize the Betrayal
Generalization is as dangerous as carelessness. We all have the tendency to generalize our hurts. Oh all men are liars some claim. Others will say, all ladies are cheats. Such generalizations are dangerous because it blinds us to the possibility of observing the uniqueness in future love prospects. Generalizations also make our future love prospects pay for the sins of our negative partners in the past and this should not be. So you’ve met three bad people in your life,does that make the over 7 billion people on earth bad? That is statistical mediocrity. We must have enough courage to give future lovers a level playing ground to validate their integrity and uniqueness personally. We must not view them through the prism of our past pains.
Choose to Forgive
Forgive? I can almost hear somebody questioning me. You don’t know what they did to me. To that I will say you also don’t know what not forgiving them is doing to you. Not forgiving them is permitting them to negatively influence you beyond their presence and pain in your past. Not forgiving them is messing up your health psychosomatically. Not forgiving them is ignoring the fact that they have moved on with their life and you are the least of their concerns. Not forgiving them is tying your future to the aprons of the betrayer‘s past. Not forgiving them is refusing to move on with your glorious future. Forgiveness isn’t something you do for your betrayer, it is something you do to them, for your own well being. It is time to let go.
Decide to Love Again
Finally, to overcome the betrayals of the past you must decide to love again more excellently, more intelligently, and to love a person more excellent than your betrayer. I often joke that the best revenge against your ex is not to close up to your next,but to do well with your next. This is done in other to prove a point to yourself and your world that you are extraordinarily more valuable than the betrayer’s estimation of you. In all of these you must not let the betrayal close your heart to the awesome possibilities of the future. You must love again. You must believe again. You must trust again and you must live again. Only this time with the benefit of the discernment that your past pains has bequeathed you.
Believe me when I say, THERE IS LIFE BEYOND YOUR PAIN. CHOOSE TO LIVE IT GLORIOUSLY!
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!
Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global
Enthronement Assembly Lagos
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on Twitter
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Hmmm! I must believe again. I must trust again and i must live again. Only this time with the benefit of the discernment that my past pains has bequeathed me. Hmmm! Thank u sir
Hmm… This is indeed a word for the season. Thank you sir…