Good morning. I want to believe you had a remarkable weekend. I really did miss you. This week I intend to continue our discussion on the several kinds of relationships worth breaking. This morning I want to deal with the subject of CRUEL RELATIONSHIPS. A cruel relationship is a pain based relationship. It is one in which hurting is the order of the day. It is a fact that the issue of relationship is a source of constant tears and sleepless nights for many. This is one of the most harrowing experiences in life.
One of the challenges of love is that there is no universally agreed upon definition of the virtue. It is very important how you choose to define love , because how you define it will determine how you find it. If you define love wrongly, you will experience it wrongly.
It is also important to find out a potential lover’s definition of love before going into a relationship with them. This is because how your partner defines it will determine how they exhibit it. For instance, if a person believes that true love doesn’t exist,there is no point going into a relationship with them. If a partner believes that “love is wicked” when they now claim to love you, they a simply saying indirectly they will be wicked to you.
The source of your love definition also matters. If your definition of love is crafted out of music videos and crazy reality shows, your love life might end up mirroring the emotional chaos in the life of most entertainers. We should be wise enough to recognize foolishness, even if it is spiced up with melody and exotic dance steps.
It is also important to not let our past hurts determine of definition of love. We also shouldn’t accept the definition of popular culture on the virtue. If we do, we might end up mortally wounded. That said, I want us to explore a few sources of emotional pain. This will come in form of the kind of people you should avoid.
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BEWARE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL NURSING THE WOUNDS OF THEIR PAST PAINS: Hurting people hurt people. If for example you were hurt while playing a game of soccer, the right thing to do is to take time off to be healed before playing again. This also applies to the game of love. If you have been hurt in the game of love,what you need is some time off not more time on. A hurt lover needs time off to fully recover and to fully evaluate what went wrong in the former relationship before jumping into the next relationship. Without developing the right perspective to your past pains,you might end up repeating the cycle of pain in future. You should also watch out for people who are obsessed with the pain their ex inflicted upon them, it is often a sign that they are still hurting. Authentic forgiveness is the proof that a person is free from the pain of their past.
- BEWARE OF THOSE WHO HAVE NOT FORGIVEN THEIR EX: The lack of forgiveness is proof that they might take out their hurts on you. In the least it will affect how they will choose to love you.
- BEWARE OF PEOPLE WHO LACK AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE DIGNITY OF MAN: Don’t cast your emotional pearls before the swine, they will trample on what you give them and eventually hurt you for it. A swine is that person that trivializes every thing you do for them. Nothing you say or do for them is ever appreciated. It is always one complaint after the other. What to watch out for is how your partner treats people in general. How do they treat common people,not just how they treat you specially. This is because if you stay with your partner long enough you will end up being common or familiar with them. So it is how they treat commoners that you will be treated. What I am trying to say is that, if your partner lacks value for human beings in general they will eventually hurt you. I have been married for several years now. My partner and I are absolutely familiar with each other. What drives our love at this level of familiarity is my belief in the inherent dignity of man. So it is impossible to beat her or shout on her because I believe in her dignity as a human being. Anyone who treats people poorly in general will one day hurt you.
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BEWARE OF THE SADIST: A sadist is anyone who derives pleasure from the pain of others. A sadist derives happiness from the unhappiness of others. They derive joy from the depression of others. Some of you might know what it means to be in relationship with such a twisted soul. Once you have ascertained that you are in love with one,it is wise to let them go for happiness sake.
For the record love is not wicked. Love is kind,it suffers long,it does not envy,it does not parade itself,it is not puffed up, it does not behave itself rudely,it is not selfish, it doesn’t plan evil, doesn’t revel when others grovel,doesn’t keep score of the offense of others, doesn’t fly off the handle. I could go on and on, the point am trying to make is that, if your relationship is not a confirmation of those wonderful experiences,what you have isn’t love, you might have to keep searching until you find it. Hopefully one of these days we will deal with how to find it.
Don’t settle for hurts and pains. You have the right to be happy. Any relationship that doesn’t confirm your worth and inherent value can’t be right. May you find genuine love someday soon. Be sure of one thing in life,true love exists.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter
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