The Wisdom in Having a Single Lover

Maturity is realizing that the fact that you can, doesn’t necessarily mean that you should. We all have the capacity for multiple love affairs in our connected world, but does that mean that we should have them? This inclination for multiple love affairs is all the more bolstered by the proliferation of mobile and social networking technologies. The real revolution of these technologies is not communication, as much as it is access. For the first time in a century, we can have unrestricted access to anyone, anywhere in the world with the capabilities of exchanging text, voice and images with them. This subtle access revolution has led to a global explosion of multiple love affairs. More than ever before, there is a need to remind ourselves of the pragmatic privileges of maintaining a single lover. This article is set forth to do just that.

• THE PRIVILEGE OF MASTERY AND SPECIALIZATION. Specialization has always been a function of focus on a singular thing. Once you try to focus on too many things your capability for specialization greatly diminishes. This is also true for our love lives. Those who cheat on their spouses by engaging in affairs with multiple partners,

  automatically sacrifice the ability to be their true lover’s specialist. It is interesting to note that, the higher the degree of specialization you have in a field, the higher the rewards you enjoy. Many do not know the reward of having specialized on their partner for decades because of their greed, lust and covetousness. The zenith of specialization is mastery. There is a depth of love that is only available to those who through focus on a single partner, for an extensive period of time,have become masters of their lover. At that level you can say you know this person inside out. Believe me nothing compares to the joy of specialization and mastery on a single lover.

• THE PRIVILEGE OF EMOTIONAL CONCENTRATION. One of the challenges of not focusing on one love partner is the dilution and the diffusion of love. Love leaks when we try to offer a similar quantity and quality of it to multiple partners. While most claim to have fun by cheating around, the real damage lies in the fact that it costs them the intensity of feelings that should have belonged to a single partner. The same people tend to complain to me, that they aren’t even sure of what they feel anymore because they have offered themselves to too many people. I am convinced that if the creator wanted us to have multiple partners, he would have given us multiple hearts. On the contrary, he gave us a single heart because we are meant for a single partner. When we try to share that single heart with multiple partners, our love will lose its concentration and that is a sad place to be. It’s time to block all the love leakages in your life and focus on the one the creator has for you.
• THE PRIVILEGE OF RESOURCE CONSERVATION. If it is true that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also, what do you imagine will happen to your treasure if your heart is in too many directions, with too many people? Your guess is as good as mine. Your resources will be ABYSMALLY DEPLETED. Imagine on Val’s day that you had twelve partners to settle, imagine the cost implications of servicing the twelve of them with gifts, visits, calls, sex and all whatnot. The day would likely be an exhausted one for you. Okay even if you lied to keep some of them at bay, your conscience and personal sense of integrity will end up depleted. My local Yoruba dialect has interesting words for promiscuity and adultery. The word “SHINA” for promiscuity can be literally translated as”misappropriation of resources”. The word “AGBERE” means “depletion of profits”. Ancient Yoruba wisdom, therefore, equates promiscuity and adultery with both the misappropriation of resources and the depletion of profit. It is impossible to actualize your potential with those twin forces working against you. It is time to settle down with a single lover.
• THE PRIVILEGE OF HEALTH PRESERVATION. The impact of cheating on mental, sexual and physical health as a whole can not be overestimated. Painfully, I have counselled wives who have had to treat sexually transmitted diseases every time they had unprotected sex with their husbands and vice versa, knowing fully well that they had been faithful to their lover. The psychological turmoil of concealing an affair is another health depleting issue. It is becoming obvious that sticking to a single partner is a vital health imperative.

All of these point in a singular direction. It is a mark of wisdom to have and maintain vigorously a single love partner. More important than this, is the determination to settle only for individuals who are responsible and disciplined enough to make you the singular focus of their emotional affection. I am not suggesting that doing so will be easy. However, I can testify that doing so will be worth it. Remember that if the creator wanted you to have multiple partners, you would have been given multiple hearts. Have an awesome weekend.

THE GREATEST IS LOVE