If conflicts are inevitable, the main issue should be developing our ability to deal with conflicts responsibly. This is our consideration today. Sometimes when things go wrong in our relationships, we are too quick to quit those relationships for the next one. If our quitting is based on a lack of capacity to handle issues on our part, we soon find the next relationship as disappointing as the ex, because our capacity to handle real issues has not increased. This is why we always recommend a capacity based approach to relationship development at Love Dynamics Global.
CONFIRMATION
This is the first conflict resolution capacity every lover must develop for their love life to work. This simply is the ability to put the facts of the conflicts ahead of your feelings about it. A lover’s commitment to detailed confirmation before reaction will ensure that we don’t have to apologize too often for over reacting to issues that weren’t based on substance.
A wife once walked in on her husband and a woman at home. Her first response to the surprise was to give the woman several heavy slaps for having an affair with her husband. Only to begin to apologize profusely when she discovered that the lady was a distant relative. Creflo A. Dollar once taught me that “assumption is the lowest form of knowledge”. Those who start love conflicts over baseless assumptions are bound to be sorry in the end. This is why you must confirm all things before reacting to anything. Get your facts right. One writer insists that we should prove all things and hold fast to that which is good.
AFFIRMATION
This is the point where we acknowledge the good in our lover before confronting the bad. This ensures that we are objective in love and not just blinded by our hurt. This is your lover, no matter how hurt you are,not everything about them is bad. In affirmation we are simply saying let their good be celebrated first,before addressing the bad.
It is also important in this phase that you avoid generalizations and accusations because this will either put your partner on the offensive or on the defensive. The fact is that both offensiveness and defensiveness do not aid speedy conflict resolution. Who won’t respond positively to a lover who begins their conversation with “I know your works, and love and service and faith, and your patience and your works; and the last to be more than the first. Notwithstanding, I have a few things against you”. The purpose of affirmation in conflict is to plough the emotional fallow grounds of your lover’s heart in other to receive confrontation.
CONFRONTATION
This is the third process in the conflict resolution process. Loving confrontation is crucial because whatever is not addressed in the relationship will not be redressed. Many people simply endure the status quo of their relationship without confrontation and that is very wrong. A real lover should be bold enough to confront their partner if things aren’t going well in the relationship.
This is because, if things go bad for your partner,you will also be affected. Even if the whole word is deceiving us,there should be room for each lover to speak the bitter truth to each other in love without fear of retribution. If such loving confrontation is absent in your relationship,I can tell that it won’t fly. The true test of maturity in love is the ability to accept the truth when being confronted with it, without developing a spirit of offense or defense about it.
CONFESSION
Faced with the facts of their error, the erring partner first acknowledges their wrong. They then take ownership and responsibility for it. After this they apologize for it and make a dogged commitment by God‘s help never to do so again. One of the signs that things are out of hand in the relationship is if this process is avoided by blatant manifestations of anger, denial and counter attack. In such cases you have a real problem on your hands. I will address these complications in another writing.
It is crucial to distinguish between the mere apologies and genuine repentance of a lover. Apologies are lip deep, repentance is heart deep. It is important for a lover, both male and female to be able to say am sorry. But it is more important to mean it,and to live it. The value of am sorry in a relationship rapidly diminishes, if it is not backed up with responsible action. So if you are really sorry say it, mean it and live it.
RECONCILIATION
In this process you re-affirm your love for your partner and confirm your love for them beyond the issue addressed. I once did a study of the etymological meaning of reconciliation in the Greek, the word meant to restore a thing to favor with you, and that is what you do; restore your partner to favor with you. It is also wise never to raise the subject again ever. Genuine forgiveness is key for this process to work. The fact that no lover is perfect, means that we will all need to be forgiven at sometime. This is why we should offer it most of the time.
This four fold process of conflict resolution comprising of confirmation, confrontation, confession and reconciliation are the defining marks of a matured lover. I see you taking your place among them today.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter.
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Exactly what we did after we had a misunderstanding. Thank God I have a matured partner. Thank you sir for the words.