4 Ways to Handle your Haters

One of the keys to ending up small in life and destiny is to only love those that love and only like those that like you. Those who succumb to this pitfall are bound to be insignificant in destiny. To matter colossally in life, you will have to interact effectively with several people who not only are not like you but also do not like you or love you. This is the reality of life. To be outstanding in life, your circle of loving must be far larger than the circle of your liking. Love is a debt we owe to our fellow man, irrespective of whether they like our guts or not. To succeed in doing these, there are certain understandings that you must possess. In my writing today, I want to highlight some of those understandings, that will not only give you a smooth sailing with people, but it will also guarantee your safe landing with them.

Those who possess these understandings are likely to be far successful in their relational endeavours than those who lack it.

YOU MUST REALIZE THAT WE CAN BOTH BE DIFFERENT IN PERSPECTIVE AND BE RIGHT

Almost nothing fragments relationships like our tendency of insisting that only our perspective is right. When people don’t generally agree with our perspectives, we usually take their deviation personal and stop liking such individuals. If we are going to succeed in relationships, we must make room in our mindsets for deviations, contradictions and oxymorons, most of which, will come from those you are trying to love. What I have learned as I have grown older is that our point of view is often determined by our viewing point. What we all see and emphasize depends largely on where we are looking at issues. Since none of us is omnipresent, we must learn to accept as valid some of the different perspectives that the people we are called to love, propound.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR HATERS ALSO ARE VICTIMS OF PAST HURTS THEMSELVES

One writer pointed out that hurting people are the once that hurt others the most. Rejected people are the ones who reject others the most. Most people have a strong tendency to offer the people in their future, multiple folds of what they have been offered in their past. Haters aren’t really victors, they are most likely victims themselves. This understanding stops me from getting angry at them, rather compassion wells up on my inside for them. As I ponder what could have been done to them in their past, to make them so hateful. This understanding positions me to be therapeutic in my approach to my haters.

YOU MUST REALIZE THAT MOST HATE IS ROOTED IN CHRONIC IGNORANCE

In fulfilling my assignment as a leader and love instructor, I have had some of the most vicious attacks on my life and work in the process. The striking fact about most of these criticisms is that majority of it came from people who didn’t know me, hadn’t heard me or hadn’t even read me. Then it dawned on me that most of our haters actually don’t really know what they’re hating. Most of their hate is fueled by hearsay, and hearsay is most times heresy. This also enabled me to adopt an educational approach in my relationship with them, giving them sufficient information to educate their ignorance about me and what I was doing. Of course, not all of them changed their opinions because quite frankly, some people are HBNs (Haters by nature). However, those I am able to win over are worth the effort.

REALIZE THAT HNBs WILL BE HNBs (HATERS BY NATURE) NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO

You must at this point accept this fact – NOT EVERYBODY WILL LIKE YOU. No matter how much you love them, some people are bound to hate you. In reality, they hate life, they hate you and they hate everyone else. There is no use in trying to make them change, they may never. They are the Al Qaedas, the Boko Harams, the Al Shabaabs and Talibans of human relationships. The best way to handle them is to love them from a distance, for your own security and well being.

What matters most as a lover, is that you must not let people’s reaction to you, be your reaction to them. Rather, you should choose to respond in love to all of their reactions. This is the only proof that you are on a higher plane of human civilization than them all. We are of truth are meant to be lovers by nature.

THE GREATEST IS LOVE