Where Did All my Love Go?

Love evaporates if proper care is not taken. Nothing is more common than the ex-lovers who now hate themselves with a higher degree of negative passion. When I attend weddings, I am usually very pensive because who can tell if this newlywed couple will join the growing group of failed marriages that litter the relational streets of our society. How can we predict that the young passionate lovers who can hardly get their hands off each other won’t be vicious enemies down the road? To tame the rate of the evaporation of love, the evaporating factors must be identified and deliberately curtailed.

In this article, we highlight some of these crucial issues that can turn love into hatred in a moment. Those who become skilled in dealing with these issues will stand a greater chance of making love work. They are:

CONFLICTS

Years ago I watched the blockbuster movie, THE MATRIX. One statement stuck with me, that was made by the bodyguard of the oracle. He said, “you don’t know a person until you have fought them”. There is an element of truth to it. Some people love so well, but they fight real bad. The tragedy is how bad they fight, in a moment can erase all the love that you feel for them. Some go as far as verbally and physically abusing their lover to get their point across. Some even resort to extreme forms of psychological torture through extreme silent treatment and alienation of their lover. If you are this kind of person your love life will evaporate fast. We must develop our personal conflict resolution skills and we must never forget who and what our partners mean to us when we are passing our difficult points across.

COMPARISON

When you have loved a single person for so long, it is very easy to be swept off under the illusion that the grass is greener in your neighbour’s compound. What you must realize is that if you decide to crossover, grasses do grow and at some point, it will be your responsibility to trim them. If this is not the case, you might have to play second fiddle to the one who originally trimmed it. The fact of life is that every man is the product of some woman and every woman is the product of some man. If the one you are with is not a product of your input, once the real owner shows up, get ready to take the back seat. It is wise to realize that everyone you are comparing your lover with has their own hidden issues. It is only as you become committed to them that most of these little foxes will show up. Nothing heralds the death of your love life, like when your partner realizes they are being compared with someone else. Beware.

CONSENSUS

Many love lives die a premature death because they are subjected to too many panels of judges and co debaters. Satisfying one person is difficult enough, trying to make your lover fit into everyone’s standards will destructively stretch them beyond measure. Love thrives before an audience of one. For instance, nothing will be left of my love life if my wife had to conform to the standards of every single person in my extended family. Ranging from father in law, mother inlaws, brother and sisters-in-law, uncles, aunts and all whatnot. She won’t survive it. Yes as much as is possible she should be cordial with them, but the only person she should be required to please is me. Just as having to be answerable to too many bosses in an organogram destroys the organization. Making your lover answerable to too many people destroys the structure and fabric of your love life and as such should be avoided. Love thrives best when it has a single audience.

Love evaporates, but its evaporation is not a mystery. Those who are observant enough to note and terminate whatever is siphoning their love, stand a greater chance at preserving the love that they have.

THE GREATEST IS LOVE.