I want to believe your commitment to our blog has been rewarding for you. I can’t thank you enough for giving momentum to our vision of igniting a global love revolution in the nations of the earth. I see you reaping the rewards of this revolution in your personal lives tremendously.Today I want to deal with the subject of EVASIVE relationships. An evasive relationship is one that is shrouded by mystery and secrecy. The adherents of this love model seem to always have something to hide. This under cover approach to love undermines one of the cardinal requirements for long lasting relationships and that is intimacy.
Intimacy is virtually impossible without transparency. As such if you find your self with a prospect who doesn’t regard this principle,you may be better off without them. I once was acquainted with a family who lost their breadwinner to untimely death. The vast majority of the man’s estate passed over to his legal counsel because his wife and family had practically no knowledge of what the man owned. Everything he did was shrouded in mystery. The fact that marriage is a mystery doesn’t mean you should marry a mystery.
There are five levels of intimacy every one should demand for in their relationship. Five levels of sharing and communication that will give your love life a firm footing. If you have up to 50% of this in your relationship you are on good and growing ground. If not you are on shaky ground.
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LEVEL1: The sharing of EVENTS. This is the most superficial level of interaction in love. What this couple talk about are simply the happenings in their external environment. Many marriages and relationships are filled with this kind of intimacy,they are at best acquaintances. Nothing major can be built on this level of intimacy if it doesn’t progress.
- LEVEL2: The sharing of FACTS. At this level more pointed questions are given direct answers unambiguously. I once had a friend who had been getting geographically close to a particular lady for over a year. I was shocked to discover that he couldn’t answer some basic questions about her. He didn’t know her age,her marital status, her career and a lot more, and he was claiming they were close. Of what use is your closeness to a person, if you can’t use the closeness to extract basic facts from the person that you can build future decisions upon. Of a truth many people will not answer questions we don’t ask. This is why we must be bold enough to ask the hard questions, no matter the risks involved, especially if you are noticing increased closeness. While the prevailing theme of level one is acquaintance, the theme of level2 is involvement.
- LEVEL3: The sharing of FEELINGS. The truth in life is that not every one who has our facts knows our feelings. When we share facts we are sharing information but when we share feelings,we are sharing our emotions. The feelings shared could be about each other or about external issues. This is a deeper level of intimacy and the dominant theme of this level is commitment.
- LEVEL4: The sharing of our fears and faults. Beyond the cool, calm and collected image we all project, we all have areas of insecurities we all struggle and battle with. This areas are well guarded portions of our lives that we seldom let others into. Most times we hide those issues of our lives because we aren’t sure people will accept us after they’ve discovered us. Those who are able to share on this level have entered into each other’s inner courts. The dominant theme in level four is transparency.
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LEVEL5: The sharing of FANTASIES. At this level the innermost desires and cravings of our body and soul are bared before each other without fear of reprimand or rejection. Such depths are best confined to marriage because of the high risk involved in such dimensions of of disclosure. The dominant theme in this phase is abandonment.
As strategic as these levels of intimacy are, it is wise to view them as steps that should not be jumped. Case in point, moving from level one acquaintance to level five abandonment is a risk not to be attempted by any. It is also important to give each step the required time it takes for it to evolve into the next step, in other for the outcomes not to be superficial.
Evasive lovers are those who keep hiding themselves from these valid processes, by withholding as much information as possible from their partners to the detriment of their relationship. You must face the facts you can’t “hold on” to someone that is obviously “holding back” from you and you can’t have an open relationship with someone that is closed up to you. Always learn to face the facts of your relationship and act upon them as they are not as you wish they would be. I believe in you.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global
Enthronement Assembly, Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedydynamx on twitter
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Hmm….”You must face the facts you can’t”hold on” to someone that is obviously “holding back” from you and you can’t have an open relationship with someone that is closed up to you”. I hear u sir!!!
The truth in life is that not every one who has our facts know our feelings.
Events,Facts,Feelings,Fears and Faults and Fantasies…. Thank you Sir
Wow!!my Father!Always on point.more grace sir.
Sincerely your wisdom is beyond imagination,may God increase you sir!