Almost nothing reveals where our heart is, like where we put our money. We automatically put our money where our heart is. The fact is that true love spends and is willing to be spent for the one it loves. This is why the stingy brand of love is an aberration and a cosmic anomaly. Unfortunately it is very easy to observe this stingy brand of love in some relationships today.Please it is important not to see this article as an advocacy for materialism in relationships. There is the negative extreme of people who see love as a means of making a living. Such exploitative lovers have put up their love for sale. The highest financial and material bidder goes away with their love because their primary love is for money and not their partner. The love of money is indeed the root of evil. Such love merchants shouldn’t be tolerated by any one who is willing to be fulfilled in love. The loyalty of these money lovers can change in a moment, once a richer suitor shows up in their lives. This is why it is risky to be committed in love to anyone who doesn’t have contentment as a value. Making a love commitment to a person who lacks contentment will leave you exploited.
That said, the importance of taking material and financial care of your lover cannot be overemphasized. We would run through a few things that appropriate spending on your partner can do for your love life.
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Spending on your lover helps in meeting some of their basic needs: One practical definition of love is a person’s commitment to meeting the basic needs of another. When the basic needs of your lover are not met,they can be grossly distracted from loving you. Let’s be practical. How easy will it be for you to feel in love with your partner when you are consistently hungry? Or when your needs for clothing and shelter are not met? How loving do you feel when pressing bills are not paid? The reality is that amidst great needs, love has to take a back seat to our personal agenda of survival. Is it not the person who survives that will have enough energy to love? This is why spending on your partner, takes care of their concern for survival, and restores you to the primary position of love in their heart and mind.
- Spending on your partner insulates them from the temptation of financial exploitation: Every stingy lover must realize that there are some psychopathic moneybags somewhere in the world, who are willing to buy your partner off you with overwhelming sums of money. I am not saying your partner is for sale,but if you have deprived them of substantial financial care, you might put your partner in a very precarious position. A few years ago the boss of one of my friend’s wife offered her a brand new car in exchange for a one time sexual encounter. Of course she refused, but you can imagine how heavy the temptation would have been for her, if her husband was absolutely financially irresponsible. I know of a lot of desperate wives who would secretly give in to the bosses demands and lie that an official car was granted her. Therefore caring for your partner financially is a strategy of securing the one you have.
- Spending on your partner establishes your authority in the relationship: Have you ever heard of the axiom “He that pays the piper dictates the tune?” Nothing can be truer. Financial care establishes social authority. Many husbands wonder why it is very difficult for wives to respect them,when the wives shoulder the financial responsibility for the home,and the husbands shirk the same responsibilities. The answer lies in the mystery of financial authority. I am not saying that these financial roles can not be temporarily reversed in a home. What I am against is this absurd condition, becoming a permanent reality. I once visited a home to discover that the wife works all day to keep the family running, while the husband watches TV, eats and sleeps all day. This is absurd. The fact that respect and authority means a lot in a man’s psyche, should motivate him to establish that authority by taking financial responsibility. A friend of mine in the UK, Lekan Adegunwa got it right when he said, “all men desire respect, but the thing about women is that they can only respect responsibility”. To shirk your financial responsibility in your relationship is to have mortgaged your social authority.
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Spending on your lover proves that your heart and love is with them: The truth is that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. When we love books we spend on them, when we love clothes we spend on them, when we love sports we spend on it. Why should your partner be any different. True love spends. We are not saying that everyone that spends on you is in love with you. We are simply saying that though you may spend without loving, but you cannot love without spending.
I am aware that there might be seasons of financial struggles occasionally in our relationships due to economic shortfalls or huge financial projects,but such temporary seasons of scarcity will be easy to handle for both couples if a culture of mutual financial benevolence has been in place in their relationship, prior to the challenge. It is time that we strive for higher degrees of financial solvency through the application of timeless ethical principles and strategies. The resulting financial success will go a long way to stabilize our love lives.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE.
Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter.
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While this article is not an advocacy for materialism in relationships,it is an eye-opener to the essence of spending in “loving.”