Yesterday, we established the fact that injustices in love will be the order of the day, if lovers are ignorant of their rights. The principal antidote to abuse in love is an understanding of what our rights are as lovers. A relationship can only be considered to be just when the individual rights of each lover is being upheld. Today we go a little bit further than yesterday.
- EVERY LOVER HAS A RIGHT TO BE RESPECTED: Respect some say is meant to be reciprocal. Mutual respect is what makes a relationship honorable. The decision to respect your lover stems out of your inherent conviction about their intrinsic value as a human being. Valuing things over people is the number one generator of disrespect in a relationship. Something in everyone of us longs to be treated with importance. When that longing isn’t fulfilled in our intimate relationships it can be a very heartbreaking thing. This respect for our partner can be conveyed in several ways, in words, tones, body language, public reference, and how we treat our lovers in general. Another definition for love is impassioned respect for another. We should endeavor not to deny our partners of this vital need,if our love will last.
- EVERY LOVER HAS THE RIGHT TO BE DIFFERENT: One of the greatest signs of immaturity is to believe that we have to be the same to be sane. Nothing can be further from the truth. Accepting this lie in love makes us waste too much energy on trying to make the one we love be exactly like us. Most criticisms and conflicts in love originate from trying to force our partners to conform to our own image and it seldom works. Men are busy criticizing women for not thinking or acting like men. While women are busy criticizing men for not thinking and acting like women. There isn’t any point in all of this. If two of us in a relationship are exactly the same, one of us is unnecessary. The relationships that work are often complementary and not competitive in nature. No matter how much we try to be someone else,the best we will be is second best. You can only be the best at being yourself. Excellent lovers do not see their partner’s differences as a stress but as a strength that needs to be harnessed strategically for the progress of the union. Even brain dominance theory confirms the anatomical origins of male-female differences. It is high time we stop fighting over our differences and starting fighting with them.
- EVERY LOVER HAS THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD: Nothing confirms to a person how important they are in our lives, like the ability to listen to them. Even my 3-year old son reprimands me at times by reminding me that “daddy you are not listening to me” It seems to me that listening is a primary confirmation to our lover, that they have our attention. Giving them our attention proves to them that they are valuable. Listening perhaps is the only way to extract the contents of your partner’s heart, without which you cannot say that you own them. Our ears and eyes are the gateway of our heart. If we don’t have their eyes and ears,we might have lost their hearts altogether. Worse still, is if we now give the listening privilege to someone other than our partner,such behaviors could totally undermine the existence of our relationships. When it comes to listening and communication, what is said isn’t as important as the process shared. Please do not deny your partner this privilege.
- EVERY LOVER HAS THE RIGHT TO BE EXCLUSIVE: Something in all of us wants to be the only beloved in the life of those we love. In fact not only do we want to be our lover’s one and only, something in us wants to be first in their lives. No matter the rationale we postulate for double dating,triple dating or marriage to multiple partners,the fact remains that it is one of the most emotionally stressful conditions in love. The rivalry,bitterness,animosity insecurity and overall despondency generated by partner sharing should serve as a deterrent to our involvement in such love models. No rational thinking lover wants to either share or be shared in love. The peace and tranquility of monogamic love proves this point. The health dangers of multiple sex scenarios should in fact strengthen our resolve to live this way. Anyone who is willing to share their sexuality with more than one person is a potential death trap,considering the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases in our generation. Such sexual indulgences should not be taken lightly in love, for the sake of our personal well being. We all should endeavor to give our partners the honor of being the first, and only lover in our lives.
- EVERY LOVER HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW AND BE KNOWN: If we aren’t going to share strategic information with our lover,what is the essence of our relationship? Keeping secrets from the one we claim to love, eats at the core of our relationship as lovers. To know or not to know shouldn’t be an object of consideration in our relationship,provided that we chose a matured and responsible partner. One time a middle aged wife secretly built a house without telling her husband, she was then surprised when the husband refused to move into the apartment with her after its completion. It was the end of their marriage. What should or shouldn’t be shared in relationship should be a function of impact. If your partner will be affected by the information you are withholding, they should be intimated with it. Such information could range from a child outside wedlock to even your HIV status. Information is the greatest gift there is in love. If your partner finds out such secrets on their own,you might have lost them for life. Besides giving your partner the information empowers their decision making process regarding the issue. Realize that there is no such thing as a secret. There is nothing hid that shall not be exposed. The destiny of secrecy is exposure, so you might as well be the one to expose it. Any lover who can not handle your present or past truths isn’t in love with you, they are simply in love with their personal idea of you. Lover, information is the lifeblood of your love life. Don’t be stingy with it.
These are not all the rights there are,but they are the ones we can take. We shall return to this subject at a later date. Until then uphold the fundamental lovers rights of your partner in all your dealings and you will be glad you did,when you see the rich reward of fulfillment it will bestow on your relationship. Have a remarkable weekend.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE.
Deji Olabode
Love Dynamics Global
Enthronement Assembly Lagos
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter.
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